And that man would be me. Yes, I just gave myself a straight uppercut to Manland. Now, not only am I singing alto, but my childhood memories of The Smurfs are tainted by the kind of lifeless CGI, poop and fart humor and unintelligent swings at pop culture that made Alvin and The Chipmunks the first movie in history to almost singlehandedly usher in the second coming of Jesus. Considering it’s almost 2012, The Smurfs movie just might be the final nudge we …
Month: March 2011
Fans of The Hunger Games are going cuckoo at the news that Lionsgate Studios and director Gary Ross have cast Oscar-nominee Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone) as the badass babe from District 12, Katniss Everdeen. Now, when contacted by MTV News, Lionsgate denied no such offers have been made to Ms. Lawrence, but sources say the news is reliable and the 20 year-old actress, soon to be seen as Mystique in X-Men: First Class, is the exact mix of beauty and …
I want to hate Red Riding Hood in the worst way. I really do. I want to pounce on director Catherine Hardwicke’s film and pummel it with accusations of zero creativity and kick it with the judgmental boot of milking the Twilight crowd for all they’re worth, but I just can’t muster the malice to point an accusing finger, mostly because I never found myself checking my watch during the 120 minute nouveau retelling of the classic Brothers Grimm folk tale. Trust …
I don’t know a lot, but I do know that alien movies and military flicks are usually nothing short of awesome, so how a movie that is heavy on both, with a meaty middle of explosions and bullets to boot, turns out so painstakingly dull, lifeless and downright boring has got me scratching my head and shaking my fist. Curse you Battle: Los Angeles! You were supposed to be my unofficial cinema start of summer, but now you’re nothing more …
According to Dead Space 2’s in-game calculator, I’ve wasted spent 30 hours of my life, since late January, dismembering necromorphs (see: wetting myself out of fear) and galavanting across The Sprawl, looking like a bad ass space cowboy with my arsenal of limb-slicing weapons. I simply cannot get enough Dead Space. I loved the first game and I’m humping the leg of the second installment (on my fourth play-through). It’s a shooter, it’s a haunted house, it’s a space adventure and …
While I’m not a fan of Abram’s television ventures – mostly because I’ve never seen one episode of Alias or Lost, I am a fan, thus far, of his big screen directing, particularly last year’s Star Trek re-boot. I’m not even going to mention how much I love Steven Spielberg. The man could direct a movie about the Wiggles and I’d be first in line. So when I heard these two creative behemoths joined storytelling forces to create this summer’s …
Maybe I’m getting softer, sappier and more emotional in my old age (I’m 36 for crying out loud!), or maybe al-Qaeda dropped an estrogen dirty bomb that I’m not aware of, but I’m seriously considering booking a therapy session after seeing the trailer for Something Borrowed and thinking, “Oh, that looks so touching and romantic!” On second thought, I’m going to chalk it up to Wintertime blues and my huge crush on Ginnifer Goodwin (HBO’s Big Love). How could I …
Despite fantastic movies such as True Grit, Open Range, The Proposition, No Country for Old Men and Unforgiven, Hollywood has yet to embrace the Western like it once did from about 1950 to 1970. Those were the years of Once Upon a Time in the West, High Noon, The Magnificent Seven and The Searchers. Nowadays, cowboys and Indians have been replaced by superheroes and aliens. I suppose that’s ok, especially in Tinsletown, where the hot commodity seems to recycle. Perhaps …
Listen, I love superhero movies, but I don’t know jack about the comic book side. Call me lazy, uninterested or whatever. I prefer to call myself un-nerdy, but hey, let’s not plaster labels and point fingers. We all get a little juiced over our own little entertainment universes. Lately, for me, it’s Dead Space. A few years ago it was Halo. When I was a kid it was Star Wars. Maybe for you it’s Twilight or The Hunger Games or …
Man oh man oh man. So much for Happy Friday and smelling the first drops of spring! I was looking forward to Puss in Boots this November, but after this so-so teaser trailer, I’m not so sure. I certainly hope there is more to Puss in Boots than what this teaser trailer alludes to, because if not, this is simply another sloppy sequel – or in this case, a spin-off – in the tired and dead Shrek franchise (which officially …