Twilight is what it is: Love it, hate it or care less.
I don’t begrudge anyone their love for the series, but tend to hold coats in the “care less” line. The new trailer for the latest entry (directed by 30 Days of Night’s David Slade and chomping at the bit for its June 30 release) doesn’t help, considering it could have easily been used for last year’s New Moon. Has such a simple story ever felt like its climax has been so needlessly strung out? You know, besides Harry Potter?
Bella: I hate my life… wait! Oh, you’re hot. And pale.
Edward: Yes, I am. I’m also a 100-something year old pedophile, but luckily I’m trapped in this teenage body because I’m a vampire.
Bella: –Swoon– I’m so in love with you.
Edward: I love you too. And by I love you too, I mean you smell really good and I want to eat your neck.
Bella: Go for it, but I think some other vampires want my neck.
Edward: No they don’t. I killed them.
Bella: Swoon.
Jacob: Wait, Bella. I love you too… but I’m a werewolf.
Bella: Gross. Wet dogs stink.
Edward: Hey guys, what’s up? I went away for a while but now I’m back.
Bella: I want you in my underpants.
Edward: You sure? Ok. Beat it, Jacob.
Bella: I’m preggers.
Edward: Sweet.
Bella: Here, Jacob. I like you. You can have my vampire daughter.
Jacob: Sweet. I love her.
Bella: Swoon.
THE END.
That said… Cougars, unfulfilled housewives, teen ladies and the handful of guys still in the closet about loving this stuff, your wait is over. Behold the trailer for Twilight: Eclipse.
At this point, nine months out, I’m not sure there’s anything we can say here about Tron Legacy that hasn’t already been said from what little we’ve seen. Andy’s not so hot on Tron Legacy. I think it looks exciting, slick and am chomping at the bit.
Tron’s first theatrical trailer– the one debuted before Alice in Wonderland– has been released to the internet. Judging by the $114 million haul Alice made over the weekend, most of you have probably already seen its combination of adrenal kicking rhythm, crackling energy and uber-fine visuals, but that doesn’t make repeat viewings look any less sexy or thrilling. With Jeff Bridges’ recent stock increase thanks to a Best Actor win, by the time December rolls around and Disney’s hyper-refined marketing machine’s had another nine months to play it up, Tron Legacy should be incredibly high profile.
Long term success will obviously boil down to whether director Joseph Kosinski has made a good movie, but I have yet to see anything that says he hasn’t.
In the mean time, enjoy… or enjoy more by viewing the Tron Legacy trailer in larger, sexier HD right here.
I was on my way to screening Alice in Wonderland last night when I was suckerpunched by a gutbusting flurry of antibiotic side effects. I won’t go into unflattering and gory details, but attending a two-hour movie wouldn’t have been a pleasant experience for me or anyone in my row.
Still, despite genuine interest in Burton’s revisionist take on the curiously adored Lewis Carol classic, I have a feeling I know what I missed. Not that I was going in to Alice with any predisposition, but Tim Burton isn’t exactly unpredictable.
Monday’s right around the corner but after watching this clip, I don’t care. I dare you not to allow this one minute and forty five seconds put you in a great mood.
If anything, the New Nightmare on Elm Street is going to be a great looking schlock-fest. We’ve see the trailer that came out way back in September, but it wasn’t until checking out this new green band I noticed how slick the new Nightmarelooks. Sure, there’s a gooey pile of shots lifted straight from the first, but this one shakes its pretty ass while doing it.
Still, that’s not to say it’s going to be worth recommending. Or will April 30 be the day Platinum Dunes breaks precedent with an enjoyable 80’s horror remake that’s not more interested in being mean-spirited than good?
Weigh in after watching Freddy sharpen his fingernails on both pipes and nubile flesh below.
Early word on Alice in Wonderland is that it’s wretched. Not that early buzz matters when pressed up against the hairy-chested brawn of studio marketing and Johnny “loved by all” Depp– (doing his best impression of Elijah Wood).
To celebrate, Obsessed with film rolls out the Alice In Wonderland red carpet with an interesting take on Johnny Depp and what he’s become “at the hands of Tim Burton”.
In the last five years, Depp has made the following films: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the three Pirates of the Caribbean, Public Enemies, and Alice in Wonderland. In only one – Public Enemies- could anyone argue that Depp played a recognizable human character that wasn’t a complete cartoon. The rest of those performances are shallow, one-note performances lacking in the depth that made some of his earlier craziness so enduring. Even his Jack Sparrow characterization, much vaunted by a stunned public at the time, is lunacy without any real point.
Amen.
Since Depp’s re-arrival amidst his much ballyhooed performance as Pirates of the Caribbean’s Jack Sparrow, the guy’s become the every man’s favorite actor. The general gushing about his acting skills as based solely on Captain Jack has always bothered me. Probably because it comes off as a false analysis of greatness: A cheap card trick that leaves the audiences giddily clapping with flat hands when the real magic was to be found elsewhere. When Johnny Depp was first cast as Jack Sparrow, was anyone talking about Depp as an all-star headliner off of his previous films The Libertine or Secret Window? Continue reading ‘Johnny Depp Needs A Rest From Wonderland’
So you know about this little movie called Kick-Ass: sewer-mouthed kids dressed in bright pajamas and capes who cheerily introduce bad guys to the pitfalls of additional holes in the head/the miracles of modern day prosthesis. If it can get past it’s first-blush head-trip of being insanely crude just for the sake of “we can”, Kick-Ass will be the latest entry in a deconstructive super-hero sub-genre that’s as interesting as it is fun.
With Kick-Ass‘ April arrival sucking all of the air out of the multi-plex, the also-ran superhero flick Defendor may be left in the lurch. The movie stars Woody Harrelson as a “slower than normal” everyman out to avenge his mother’s death. Apparently, it’s part comedy, part drama and part sympathetic character study. Either way, it’s set in the steamy dark alleys of a major city and has Woody getting beat to a pulp.
Of course, Defendor and Kick-Ass are just the latest– not the only– entries into the “real” superhero subgenre. 1999 gave us the love-it-or-hate-it Mystery Men and 2006 introduced us to Special, a hard-knock look at a delusional guy who uses his new “does he or doesn’t he have them” super-powers to fight crime. Another film along the same lines, Super (directed by James Gunn, the guy who gave us the silly, fun and underseen Slither) is due this year as well.
We’ll see how the genre continues to hold up, but with real people in real cities living the superhero dream, movies like Defendor continue to be no less fascinating. Defendor is arriving on Friday in limited release, but with positive reviews coming in, deserves to be seen when it arrives sooner than later in your Netflix queue.
Despite the triumphant return of Tom Selleck’s hallowed mustachio– which incidentally, has been missing from theaters far too long– and Katherine Heigl’s chest, Trailer Tuesday presents to you a movie that looks so lifeless, it doesn’t have a poster yet: Killers.
I’ll come to an understanding of the metaphysical laws of dark energy before ever I fathom Katherine Heigl’s appeal. Seriously. Since Knocked Up, the lady’s screen presence is so blase and nondescript as to being completely replaceable via any other blond actress with teeth.
So, Killers: An oh my dreamy boyfriend turned husband isn’t who I thought he was–he’s a spy!!– romcom-thingy. Killers doesn’t look like it’ll be sweeping the knee of any trends except letting Heigl nail a hat trick of mind-numbingly boring and completely uncharismatic movies.
Watch the blah-ness below– then diagnose why this trailer ruined my Tuesday in our comments section.
Neil Marshall’s a guy whose name most people won’t recognize by name, but by work. The guy’s responsible for the fantastically creepy and claustrophobic The Descent and Dog Soldiers (the good werewolf movie no one’s seen). Sure, he’s also guilty of spawning the craptastic Doomsday, but we’ll consider that dump-fest a pass for keeping his sword sharp.
Apparently keen to revisit the middle-aged themes weirdly introduced int he second half of Doomsday, Marshall’s next project is the dramatic-licensed Centurion. Based on the Roman Ninth legion that went missing (massacred!) during a tour of Britian, Centurion promises all kinds battling, running and Marshall-esque appendage lopping, squishy crunching and gushing blood.
The trailer plays like an alternate universe from Gladiator had the Romans lost the opening battle. And that’s ok by me. You can never have enough sword and sandal epics.
Inglorious Basterds‘ British bullet receptacle Michael Fassbender stars as the Legion’s corporal while the lovely, ex-boob-baring Olga Kurylenko (Hitman, Quantum of Solace) weirdly stars as some warlord lady. Weird because rail-thin models gussied up in war paint and trying their damnedest to swing a sword and look threatening feels less like gritty realism and more like geek-fantasy comedy. I get the whole hotties in barbarian bikinis thing but man, that image playing out in real life is goofy.
Centurion hits UK theaters in April and US theaters who-knows-when. At least you know you’ll see it on Bluray before the year is out. Watch skinny girls scream at their swords because they’re not carrot sticks below:
Happy Valentine’s day to me and the rest of the sadsacks who actually liked Chronicles of Riddick. Universal has announced they’re bringing Vin Diesel’s glassy-eyed alter-ego back in the obviously named sequel Riddick.
As much as Chronicles is slapped around geek circles, the movie went on to make some modest coin, despite it’s $110 million budget. Still, gross receipts aren’t an indicator of quality– they’re an indicator of future profitability. With a rich home market and a popular video game offshoot to back Riddick 3 up, Universal is apparently all in.
And really, I couldn’t be more thrilled. I’m not a huge fan of the uber-anti-hero Riddick character himself, but the world-building periphery around Pitch Black and Chronicles is rich, nerdtastic and very goofy fun. With space ships. And explodin’.
Word is this outing will return to the lean mean focus of Pitch Black and will be penned and directed by genre stalwart and Riddick inventor David Twohy (A Perfect Getaway, Chronicles of Riddick). Shooting could start as early as this year, so long as Diesel can shuffle his way around Universal’s other buff guy tent-pole set to film this year: Fast and the Furious 5.
Johnny Depp Needs A Rest From Wonderland
To celebrate, Obsessed with film rolls out the Alice In Wonderland red carpet with an interesting take on Johnny Depp and what he’s become “at the hands of Tim Burton”.
Amen.
Since Depp’s re-arrival amidst his much ballyhooed performance as Pirates of the Caribbean’s Jack Sparrow, the guy’s become the every man’s favorite actor. The general gushing about his acting skills as based solely on Captain Jack has always bothered me. Probably because it comes off as a false analysis of greatness: A cheap card trick that leaves the audiences giddily clapping with flat hands when the real magic was to be found elsewhere. When Johnny Depp was first cast as Jack Sparrow, was anyone talking about Depp as an all-star headliner off of his previous films The Libertine or Secret Window? Continue reading ‘Johnny Depp Needs A Rest From Wonderland’