Breaking Dawn Full Length Trailer Breaks the Bed and my Loins

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m all Twilighted out. I’m Twi-numb. Is anyone even excited for this movie in November, or has the nearly 16 months between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn – Part 1 caused even the most crazy of Twihards to lose a little interest? People were talking about and buzzing about the last cinematic chapter in the Harry Potter franchise for months and months, but I’m hearing hardly any fervor from the masses of Team Jacob and Team Edward fans who seemed at an all time high between New Moon and Eclipse. I’m sure the heat will rise as November 18 approaches, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Breaking Dawn – Part I and Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (due in theaters on November 16, 2012) be the least successful movies of the franchise. Why? Two reasons: First, the story is done. It’s like the Titanic. We all know what happens. Bella and Sparklechest get married. Bella porks out a kid that reminds me a lot of this creepy girl from Dune (all via a vampire c-section, mind you), Jacob imprints said creepy kid and everyone, presumably, lives happily ever after. That’s two movies? Yikes. The second and last reason? Summit made a massive mistake waiting 16 months to release Breaking Dawn – Part 1, and the year wait between Part 1 and Part 2 is the nail in the coffin. But hey, I’m Team Jacob, so what the eff do I know, right?

Check out the recently released full-length trailer for Breaking Dawn – Part 1 below and witness Captain Sparklechest demonstrate his headboard smashing skills. I had to ice my loins after watching this because I couldn’t refrain from punching myself in the nuts. True story. Yep. I’m Twi-numb and so is this dead-in-the-water franchise.

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