What if GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY and STAR WARS had a Baby?

I apologize from pulling you away from the buttloads of STAR WARS VII rumors swirling the web, but this STAR WARS trailer has a little GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY flair to it and you must watch forthwith! Okay! Now that’s done, please return to you regular scheduled rumor mill. Today’s gem? Tom Cruise has a cameo in STAR WARS VII! 2015 can’t come soon enough. Sigh.

Twilight Prom Dress Unmitigated Proof the Apocalypse is Nigh

Listen, I’m no bully. I’m a nice guy. I love pretty much everyone (except for guys the farmer blow in the gym showers and the old grandpas at the gym who give me a hearty dose of Lord Sauron’s redeye whilst bending over two inches from my face as I tie my shoes). I would never bully a grandma riding the bus, or leave YouTube comments telling people to go kill themselves. Never ever. But in the case of this

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Harrison Ford Sticks It to Chewbacca!

We all think of Harrison Ford as Han Solo and Indiana Jones and that one guy in Witness – gruff, tough and one of a select few who actually looks good without shaving. Ford is the epitome of dude cool. He’s so cool he could wear Teva sandals (with socks even!) and still be a certifiable badass. One thing most folks know about Ford is he’s tired of answering questions about Star Wars and Han Solo. He was the only

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Man of Steel Postponed is Horse Poopy

So you know how everybody was pooping there pants over how the new Superman movie Man of Steel  was going to come out next year in December? Well bring out the tissues because they decided to postpone it for six months. I know it’s pathetic and I’m pretty sure they will come out with some explanation why, but I already put it on my calendar in pen. How am I supposed to get that out? Huh Hollywood? Even if I scratch

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Happy Birthday Father (aka Andy)!

Happy Birthday Father! I love you so much! I just want everybody to know my dad is freaking awesome and all the other girls of the world should be very, very jealous. See that picture over there? That was taken before my dad and I went to my first Fall Out Boy concert. Of course you are going to look at me and see how cute and adorable I was. What am I saying? I still am adorable. Anyway, but

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Alamo Drafthouse Simultaneously B-Slaps and Mocks Movie Texter

There is nothing in the world of cinema that boils my beans more than bad movie manners. The movie theater is a sacred temple of entertainment and there are hordes of mindless miscreants in every screening that feel it their God-given right – just because they paid $8 (or more) – to talk, text and play games on their precious cell phones during a screening. It’s not so much the act that sends me into a hot rage, but the thoughtlessness and

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Turns Out Michael Bolton is a Major Cinephile

You know how tales are told of people puking and having the runs at the same time? Yeah, well that’s never happened to me. Thank the Lord for that. On the other hand, after watching this Saturday Night Live Digital Short from The Lonely Island (Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, Andy Samberg), called “Jack Sparrow,” I peed a little in my pajama jeans and shot Red Bull, a.k.a The Precious, out of my nose. I think The Lonely Island, particularly Andy Samberg, is

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Friday Fun! Anchorman’s Sex Panther and MTV Movie Awards Clip!

It’s Friday and we should all be wearing a smile because the weekend is upon us. Even better? The month of January is just about over and Spring is that much closer to buoying our spirits and rescuing us from the damnable, frozen, dirty, whorish Winter season. At any rate, check out the sex panther cologne scene (one of my favorites) from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Also, for more enjoyment, check out this interview between Ron Burgundy and

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Michael Douglas Beat Cancer, Becomes Photojacker

I didn’t watch the Golden Globes because I think they are ridiculous and irrelevant, but I caught this picture of Michael Douglas photojacking a snapshot of his wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Angelina Jolie, who, because of her sickly, emaciated appearance, was just tagged to play Golumn in the upcoming Hobbit twology. I have to say, this picture makes me giggle because Michael Douglas must be on Cloud Nine after beating throat cancer and his giddy expression of photo terrorism achieved

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