Proof that Twilight is Super Gay

Sixish Years Later, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Arrives

When Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy made its American debuted on July 9, 2004, it was instantly hailed as an insightful, groundbreaking masterwork of American Cinema. On this, Anchorman‘s six year, one month and one day anniversary, we take a look back at a towering achievement that not only affirmed who we are as human beings, but managed to capture that spirit in a glass case of emotion.

We salute you Will Farrell and Adam McKay and congratulate you and your plate of cat poop on the American Film Institute’s long overdue recognition of your film. Well played, gentleman. Well played, indeed.

Bark twice if you’re in Milwaukee.

Thanks for Screwing Me Over, Twihards!

Despite opening on 4,468 screens and having a rabid fanbase of emotional tweens, teens and housewives, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, which I thought was a decent movie – easily the best in the Twilight franchise, isn’t even going to come close to Toy Story 3’s summer score at the box office. As of this writing, Edward and Jacob sit a cool $100 million behind Buzz and Woody. Hell, it hasn’t even beaten its predecessor, The Twilight Saga: New Moon.

So, thanks for nothing Twihards. Hot Topic might have won, but I sure didn’t. I thought for sure you loons would win me a steak. I didn’t realize the Team Edward and Team Jacob throng, while loud and obnoxious, was actually pretty small. Sure, your multiple viewings have generated $285 million in domestic revenue for Summit Entertainment, but your Stephanie Meyer-created Holy Grail doesn’t resonate with Joe and Jill the Plumber. Maybe the 16 Twilight-free months between now and November 18, 2011, when Breaking Dawn (the first part) hits theaters, will blue ball you folks into taking that movie to new heights money-wise. But probably not, because as we’re learning movie-by-movie, Twilight isn’t a universe – like Star Wars, Star Trek, or Harry Potter; it’s an emotion and the heartstrings can only carry you so far and only attract so many, just ask the daytime soaps.

At any rate, it appears I’ll be taking KVNU’s Tyler Riggs to Golden Corral so he can enjoy a succulent sirloin and dine amongst all the nursing home escapees and illegal immigrants. A bet is a bet and Mr. Riggs has once again proven prophetic. Kudos to you, Tyler and a hearty bowl of FU soup to the Twilight fans that screwed me over. If only you had all seen it 12 times instead of five! Damn you!

Ralph Macchio: Wax On, F**k Off!

The Karate Kid remake opens tomorrow and is currently hovering at 55% fresh on RottenTomatoes.com. It’s hard to fathom a classic from my youth being remade with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith, son of Will, but I suppose as the hair gets grayer this is bound to happen. Plus, Hollywood is infatuated with the 1980s right now, so in all honesty The Karate Kid remake is a no-brainer. Could this be the week Shrek Forever After gets knocked off the box-office throne? I’m betting yes and I’m also wagering The Karate Kid will be the number one movie when receipts are tallied on Monday.

Speaking of getting older, Ralph Macchio, i.e. Pony Boy and Daniel LaRusso, is 48 years old and really hasn’t done much since his days on the cover of Tiger Beat. But he recently teamed up with Funny or Die.com for this documentary on his life, aptly titled Wax On, F**k Off!

Click the article heading to watch the clip, or just click here.

Meet the Jedi A-Holes

Dan shared this link with me today and we both laughed heartily. Anyone who enjoys Star Wars and who has met their fair share of douchebags will appreciate this video.

Click the article heading above to watch the video, or click here.

Happy Memorial Day!

I just want to wish everyone, especially our men and women in the armed forces – those who have passed and those who still serve, a very joyous Memorial Day. I thought about posting a picture of a big ass aircraft carrier, because that always makes me feel patriotic, but instead I thought I’d leave you with this lovely image. Happy Monday.

Tom Cruise Directs Tom Cruise in Risky Business Spoof

Here’s another MTV Movie Awards spoof featuring Tom Cruise as Lex Grossman. You heard it from the lips of Lex Grossman, teens love the ass.

Tom Cruise Likes Robert Pattinson’s Dirty Hair

Earlier in the week we had Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker) dissing Justin Bieber’s noisy chip eating in a 2010 MTV Movie Awards promo, and today we have Tom Cruise revisiting his Tropic Thunder character, Lex Grossman, and giving Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga) the third-degree over his scruffy appearance. If this is a prelude to the kind of spoofs we’ll see during the actual June 6 awards telecast, I might be changing my tune and not just watch for my Katy Perry fix.

Francis Ford Coppola’s Beard Also Hates 3D

I hate 3D. Dan hates 3D. Roger Ebert hates 3D. Francis Ford Coppola hates 3D, and now, in a show of solidarity, Francis Ford Coppola’s beard hates 3D. You hear that Hollywood?! Keep your damn 3D glasses! This ain’t the 1950s! Well, unless you count the culture of fear spread like putrid mayonnaise across the minds of Americans by the TV and radio political pundits and the government…but that’s another story! Long live Planet Beardatron!

Not Trailer Tuesday: Rourke Meets Bavaria Beer

Despite his intense, quirkily inspired acting chops, Mickey Rourke has a reputation for being a bit of a douche. Not that AATM has gone all TMZ– we’re not particularly concerned about the way he fuels his method acting/behaves amidst the general human population, but his disposition is the key to understanding the self-effacing humor that’s running amok in this Dutch Beer ad.

Say what you want about Rourke, but at least he’s got a sense of humor.