Content has been scarce here at AATM.com since the holidays began a few weeks ago and this week has been even worse since I’ve been pounded in the soft parts with some type of godforsaken virus that has left my sinuses stuffed and inflamed, my throat sore, and given me a greasy Dirty Sanchez beard akin to something out of a Vietnam POW camp. Worst of all, being so congested makes me sound like a cross between Sylvester Stallone and Jar Jar Binks. Basically, I’m complaining and apologizing at the same time.
Hard to believe 10 years has come and gone so fast, but like it or not 2010 is here and we’re two years from Jesus coming back and nuclear Armageddon from our pals in Iran. To toast our rosy future, here’s a look back at my favorite films of the decade (in no particular order). If you want to add any of these to your DVD or Blu-ray collection, click on the Amazon.com widget at the bottom of the article.
1. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
I’m not going to take the pansy route when it comes to Peter Jackson’s masterpiece and say the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. That’s too easy. Take a stance for heaven’s sake! Granted, all three movies are stellar, but in my opinion The Fellowship of the Ring is the most complete from top-to-bottom, even with the Calvin Klein Male Model Elf Fiesta after the troupe exits the Mines of Moria. I would put Return of the King in this spot, but the endless ending ruined it for me. It’s not horrible, but it was like Jackson just couldn’t say goodbye to the franchise in a succinct and timely manner.
2. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
No motion picture made in the last decade did more to change the face of comedy than The 40 Year-Old Virgin, as well as launch the careers of so many mainstays working today and in the foreseeable future. Think about it. From director Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, Funny People), to actors Steve Carell (Get Smart), Seth Rogen (Funny
People), and Paul Rudd (I Love You, Man), this movie caused a new genre to be born (the “bromance”) and even helped bit players Leslie Mann (Funny People), Jane Lynch (Glee), Jonah Hill (Superbad) and Elizabeth Banks (W.) to expand their skills beyond that of supporting actors. Plus any movie with an old Indian dude telling someone that life’s not about the “Arabian Goggles” or the “Hot Carl” is worth a spot on this list.
In Utah, Halloween isn’t simply a dress-up day where one freezes his grapes off while trekking the kiddies through the darkened neighborhood wastelands, searching for a fun-sized Snickers or Twix, instead finding cold porches and lonely Jack-O-Lanterns (apparently everyone else is trunk-or-treating – LAME). No, it’s a time where we like to reflect on the scariest elements and goodies our friends in Hollywood have offered us over the years.
In Utah, Halloween isn’t simply a dress-up day where one freezes his grapes off while trekking the kiddies through the darkened neighborhood wastelands, searching for a fun-sized Snickers or Twix, instead finding cold porches and lonely Jack-O-Lanterns (apparently everyone else is trunk-or-treating – LAME). No, it’s a time where I like to reflect on the scariest elements and goodies our friends in Hollywood have offered me over the years.
The Great White Shark, Jaws
Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men
The Wicked Witch of The West, The Wizard of Oz
Best and Worst of 2009
Worst
I Love You, Beth Cooper
Hayden Panettiere (TV’s Heroes) might be cute as a button, but this beauty and the nerd tale was literally unfunny from start to finish. If Panettiere hadn’t of dropped her towel for a nanosecond in the middle of the movie, I’d probably not have made it to the end. And what’s with Paul Rust? I’m supposed to believe he’s actually 17? He looks 35.
2012
Roland Emmerich has a chubby for disaster movies, but while Independence Day was a-ok, the rest – Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow – have sucked big time. They are emotionless, void of character and chock full of preachy environmental messages. I’m okay with message movies, but I can’t keep my eyes open in Emmerich’s to get the message. I’ve heard people tell me this was fun and the special effects were cool. Those people are idiots.
Bruno
I thought Borat was ingenious and funny and a nice social commentary. Sacha Baron Cohen’s second film is nothing of the sort. In fact, it’s pretty offensive. As a gay fashion corespondent, Cohen manages to make himself look like a complete jackass. If I was a gay person, I’d be extremely pissed at this movie.
Land of the Lost
The TV show was lame, so why would the movie be in better? Oh, I know – because it has Will Ferrell and Danny McBride! Imagine my surprise when every part of this movie sucked. The only parts that kept me from giving this a F were the jokes about Ferrell’s Florsheim boots and the drugged out pool scene. Other than that – this movie was pure crap.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
I didn’t catch this in theaters, but I definitely kept on pace with all the “America Loves Paul Blart!” hysteria. Well, America must be pretty hard up for a good time, or our collective IQ has hit rock bottom, because this movie was neither heartwarming or funny. It was 100 percent stupid. The only positive was the lovely Jayma Mays, who I can now ogle while watching TV’s Glee.
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