Best and Worst of 2009

I’ve been in a bad mood for the last few days, so I thought I’d follow my Best of the Decade article from earlier this week with a look back at 2009’s worst films. Then I realized that admist all my 2010 celebrations, I’d neglected to list the best of 2009 as well. I’m sure, like everything in the world of film, these are debatable. One person’s nightmare is another’s wet dream, so while I wanted to commit hara-kiri during I Love You, Beth Cooper, another person might have been clapping with joy and slapping their knee at all the fun and hijinx ensuing on screen.  Such is the beauty of le cinema. Anyhow, take a peek at my lists and please, as always, dish your two cents.

Worst

I Love You, Beth Cooper

Hayden Panettiere (TV’s Heroes) might be cute as a button, but this beauty and the nerd tale was literally unfunny from start to finish. If Panettiere hadn’t of dropped her towel for a nanosecond in the middle of the movie, I’d probably not have made it to the end. And what’s with Paul Rust? I’m supposed to believe he’s actually 17? He looks 35.

2012

Roland Emmerich has a chubby for disaster movies, but while Independence Day was a-ok, the rest – Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow – have sucked big time. They are emotionless, void of character and chock full of preachy environmental messages. I’m okay with message movies, but I can’t keep my eyes open in Emmerich’s to get the message. I’ve heard people tell me this was fun and the special effects were cool. Those people are idiots.

Bruno

I thought Borat was ingenious and funny and a nice social commentary. Sacha Baron Cohen’s second film is nothing of the sort. In fact, it’s pretty offensive. As a gay fashion corespondent, Cohen manages to make himself look like a complete jackass. If I was a gay person, I’d be extremely pissed at this movie.

Land of the Lost

The TV show was lame, so why would the movie be in better? Oh, I know – because it has Will Ferrell and Danny McBride! Imagine my surprise when every part of this movie sucked. The only parts that kept me from giving this a F were the jokes about Ferrell’s Florsheim boots and the drugged out pool scene. Other than that – this movie was pure crap.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

I didn’t catch this in theaters, but I definitely kept on pace with all the “America Loves Paul Blart!” hysteria. Well, America must be pretty hard up for a good time, or our collective IQ has hit rock bottom, because this movie was neither heartwarming or funny. It was 100 percent stupid. The only positive was the lovely Jayma Mays, who I can now ogle while watching TV’s Glee.

… Continue Reading

The Best of The Decade: 2000 to 2009

Content has been scarce here at AATM.com since the holidays began a few weeks ago and this week has been even worse since I’ve been pounded in the soft parts with some type of godforsaken virus that has left my sinuses stuffed and inflamed, my throat sore, and given me a greasy Dirty Sanchez beard akin to something out of a Vietnam POW camp. Worst of all, being so congested makes me sound like a cross between Sylvester Stallone and Jar Jar Binks. Basically, I’m complaining and apologizing at the same time.

Hard to believe 10 years has come and gone so fast, but like it or not 2010 is here and we’re two years from Jesus coming back and nuclear Armageddon from our pals in Iran. To toast our rosy future, here’s a look back at my favorite films of the decade (in no particular order). If you want to add any of these to your DVD or Blu-ray collection, click on the Amazon.com widget at the bottom of the article.

1. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

I’m not going to take the pansy route when it comes to Peter Jackson’s masterpiece and say the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. That’s too easy. Take a stance for heaven’s sake! Granted, all three movies are stellar, but in my opinion The Fellowship of the Ring is the most complete from top-to-bottom, even with the Calvin Klein Male Model Elf Fiesta after the troupe exits the Mines of Moria. I would put Return of the King in this spot, but the endless ending ruined it for me. It’s not horrible, but it was like Jackson just couldn’t say goodbye to the franchise in a succinct and timely manner.

2. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)

No motion picture made in the last decade did more to change the face of comedy than The 40 Year-Old Virgin, as well as launch the careers of so many mainstays working today and in the foreseeable future. Think about it. From director Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, Funny People), to actors Steve Carell (Get Smart), Seth Rogen (Funny People),  and Paul Rudd (I Love You, Man), this movie caused a new genre to be born (the “bromance”) and even helped bit players Leslie Mann (Funny People), Jane Lynch (Glee), Jonah Hill (Superbad) and Elizabeth Banks (W.) to expand their skills beyond that of supporting actors. Plus any movie with an old Indian dude telling someone that life’s not about the “Arabian Goggles” or the “Hot Carl” is worth a spot on this list.

… Continue Reading

Happy Turkey Day: Andy’s Thanksgiving Entertainment Thank You

Happy Thanksgiving to all the readers of AATM.com! Here are a few things I’m thankful for by way of entertainment this holiday season. How about you? What has the movies, TV, books or video games given you that makes you feel thankful in 2009?

Blu-ray

You know Blu-ray is dreamy and awe-inspiring when everything, including movies without special effects and explosions, look absolutely magnificent in the crisp, clear, vibrant goodness that is 1080p. I was reminded of this when I watched Star Trek earlier in the week, and also when I watched The Proposal. In truth, if I wasn’t a film critic, I’d probably stay planted on my couch and watch everything in the solace of my home theater.

The Hurt Locker

I loved every minute of this movie from Point Break director Kathryn Bigelow and will be absolutely shocked if the movie, depicting the ins and outs of an elite Army bomb squad in Iraq, isn’t nominated for best picture at the forthcoming 82^nd Academy Awards this February.

Inglourious Basterds

Simply put, Inglourious Basterds is Quentin Tarantino’s ultimate triumph as a director. Basterds is full of memorable scenes and characters and the story is told and filmed in that unique blend of art-house and pop-cinema style that makes Tarantino a visionary filmmaker. There is no way this movie doesn’t get nominated for best picture and best director at the 2010 Academy Awards.

… Continue Reading

The Holiday Nine

The Holidays are here, meaning studios will trot out their best in an effort to garner Oscar attention as close to Oscar time as possible. It also means we’ll be treated to some “family friendly” pap, total misses and the stuff that’s somewhere in between. Here’s our first-impression on the upcoming season’s Must-See, Maybe’s and Must-Misses, all spiffed up and scrubbed by way of our Holiday Nine.

Must – See

Avatar (December 18) -Dan

If you’ve been following AATM or have been to the movies lately, you’ve probably–finally–heard of the otherworldly Dances With Wolves meets robots, monsters and aliens sci-fi fantasy Avatar. Promised to be the cinematic game-changer of the new century, Avatar is James Cameron’s return to the ridiculously budgeted (rumored to cost over $500 million), geeky fun he kicked to the curb after Titanic when he decided to go swimming for a decade. Initially, public perception for Avatar was non-existent outside the geek community, but thanks to some expositionary trailers and a promise of a 3D-immersive world experience, Avatar has morphed into the go-to movie of the season. Cameron’s yet to direct a film most people haven’t enjoyed from start to finish and with Avatar’s promise of xeno-zoology and their perforation exchange with space marines thrown in for good measure,  Avatar gets a full pass on cinematic event spectacle alone.

The Road (November 25) – Andy

The Road is a magnificent novel about a father and son traveling through a ruined and savage post-apocalyptic United States. Written by Cormac McCarthy, the book is one of my all-time favorites and it whipped me through a myriad of emotions – hope, sadness, fear, anger and happiness. It’s more a story of love and hope than it is an end-of-the-world tale. If director John Hillcoat (The Proposition) and writer Joe Penhall can successfully translate McCarthy’s haunting prose to the big screen, then the movie should be equally emotional. It stars Viggo Mortensen (Eastern Promises), Charlize Theron (In the Valley of Elah), Robert Duvall (We Own the Night), Guy Pearce (The Hurt Locker) and Kodi Smit-McPhee (X-Men Origins: Wolverine).

… Continue Reading

Halloween 101: Ten Disturbing Movie Deaths

In Utah, Halloween isn’t simply a dress-up day where one freezes his grapes off while trekking the kiddies through the darkened neighborhood wastelands, searching for a fun-sized Snickers or Twix, instead finding cold porches and lonely Jack-O-Lanterns (apparently everyone else is trunk-or-treating – LAME). No, it’s a time where we like to reflect on the scariest elements and goodies our friends in Hollywood have offered us over the years.

Today’s topic? Ten Disturbing Movie Deaths.

As tens of thousands of movie deaths can attest, any tight-shirted, screaming frat chick or lunky pretty boy can die a loud, caro-syruped death. But as a jaded film veteran, there’s really only a few that have the power to stick with you. These are the deaths that feel a little too real… or even mean-spirited. As our Halloween features continue, we decided instead of going the obvious horror death route, we’d take a look at a few scenes that delivered a dose of horror where things felt a little too real. Disturbingly so. Most all have their accompanying (possibly NSFW) scenes, so read on and remind yourself “They’re only movies”.

Yeah, I Don’t Think That’s Indigestion (Andy)

The Movie: Alien (1979, Ridley Scott)

Who: Kane (John Hurt)

What: On their way back to Earth, the crew of the commercial towing ship, Nostromo, detects an alien signal, investigates and then Executive Officer Kane gets a crab-like organism attached to his face. All is fine and dandy until Kane has a seizure at dinner and a baby alien erupts from his chest.

Why: The seizure is violent, the blood is endless the chest explosion is graphic and there is no hope to save Kane. Shocking and disturbing, this scene lights the flame of tension for the rest of the movie.

She Was Just a Baby! A Baby! (Dan)

The Movie: The Ring (2002, Gore Verbinski)

Who: Katie (Amber Tamblyn)

What: With her parents away, Katie is taking full of advantage of a deserted house on a dark, rainy night. It’s all fun and games and girltalk, but before underage experimentation gets under way, the conversation turns South and Katie realizes she’s on the receiving end of a wet, soggy curse. The death actually occurs off screen, but when her mom later talks about coming home to find her in the closet, things get disturbing fast.

Why: When the camera gives us a quick cut of Katie’s slumped body, our expectation of seeing her round, school-girl face is shattered as we see a nightmarishly drawn, gaping and moldy visage lolling to her shoulder.

… Continue Reading

Halloween 101: Scariest Movie Villains

In Utah, Halloween isn’t simply a dress-up day where one freezes his grapes off while trekking the kiddies through the darkened neighborhood wastelands, searching for a fun-sized Snickers or Twix, instead finding cold porches and lonely Jack-O-Lanterns (apparently everyone else is trunk-or-treating – LAME). No, it’s a time where I like to reflect on the scariest elements and goodies our friends in Hollywood have offered me over the years.

Today’s topic? Scariest movie villains.

Sure, it’s easy to think of horror icons – like Pinhead from Hellraiser or Jason from Friday the 13th – especially around Halloween, but are they really the type of characters that keep you from sleeping? I’m not so sure. Those evildoers seem forgettable and almost too extreme to be truly frightening. No, to me a villain scares you on multiple levels and leaves your blood cold. It’s the kind of character that visits you in your nightmares after you’ve turned the TV off, pulled the covers up over your head and shut the closet door, all precautionary measures to make sure the darkness fluttering in your mind doesn’t come to life and snag you in your sleep.

Here are my top ten. Don’t be a stranger, tell me yours in the comments.

Hannibal Lecter, The Silence of the Lambs

This character is Anthony Hopkins greatest achievement as an actor. I was tempted to put Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb instead of Lecter, but the edge goes to Hannibal the Cannibal. One minute he’s your friend, the next he’s biting part of your cheek off and cooking your liver with some fava beans and nice chianti.

The Great White Shark, Jaws

For a movie made in 1975, the Great White Shark in Steven Spielberg’s masterpiece still looks incredibly real and scary as hell. Personally, I can’t think of anything scarier: Stranded at sea with all kinds of unknown fish mulling around in the darkness below, including a 25-foot Carcharodon carcharias coming at me like a torpedo, ready to bite me in half. Sure, I have a better chance of getting hit by a meteor than I do being eaten by a shark, but Jaws changed the way I, and everyone else, look at the ocean.

The Alien, Alien

The tagline for Ridley Scott’s 1979 sci-fi classic is “In space no one can hear you scream.” That line personifies what is so frightening about the creature in Alien. Sure you’re on a massive spaceship, but where do you run? Where do you hide? Considering you’re in the far, deep reaches of outer space, whom do you call for help? Worst of all, like the shark in Jaws, the acid-spitting extraterrestrial has no off button. It just keeps on killing without conscience.

Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men

Easily the scariest movie villain since Hannibal Lecter in 1991. Javier Bardem’s crazy-haired, coin-tossing, merciless assassin is the epitome of explosive tension in the Coen brother’s No Country for Old Men. I think I held my breath the entire time Chigurh was chatting with the old gas station attendent, just waiting for him to pounce. I was going to give this space to Hans Landa from Inglourious Basterds, but despite his nastiness, Chigurh has the blacker heart.

The Demon, Paranormal Activity

Is there anything scarier than the possibility something unseen is lurking in your house, perhaps in your very bedroom, while you sleep? The demon in Paranormal Activity is never seen, but we see its mischief and can tell right away this dark force is content on torturing the scared couple during the wee hours of the night.

Pennywise, It

One word: Clowns.

Amon Goeth, Schindler’s List

It’s not just that Goeth (Ralph Fiennes) uses Jews as target practice from the comfy perch of his concentration camp mansion, it’s the look in his eyes during the non-violent moments where we understand something in Goeth’s soul has been perverted and corrupted to the point his character has become putrid and without shame or sorrow. This is the kind of villain that keeps me up at night, because this type of bad guy truly exists.

Alex Forrest, Fatal Attraction

“Well, what am I supposed to do? You won’t answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I’m not gonna be ignored, Dan!” Alex Forrest is one evil lady in this movie. Her nutjobedness goes from sending Dan (Michael Douglas) angry mix tapes, to the final atrocity of boiling the family rabbit. This is a great Christmas present for any man considering an extramarital affair.

The Wicked Witch of The West, The Wizard of Oz

Margret Hamilton’s green-faced cackler is on this list because she was the first movie villain to scare me out of my OshKosh B’Gosh overalls. I always got particularly unnerved when she landed on the house and set Scarecrow on fire. I also pooped my Underoos when she cruised past Dorothy’s tornado-engulfed home as the evil Elmira Gulch.

Gollum, The Lord of The Rings

Sam and Frodo must have been suffering through some lembas bread-induced hangover, because there is no way I could sleep with this anorexic hobbit lurking around the campfire in his dingy loincloth. Gollum is the Hannibal Lecter of Middle Earth. He seduces you with his pitiful countenance and while you’re busy trusting him, he’s plotting a way to bite off your finger. This is the kind of goblin one expects to find living in the bedroom closet.

The Clown, Poltergeist

Just when you though the house was clean, you realize little Robbie Freeling is about to get whipped by his possessed clown doll. My memory is somewhat hazy when it comes to 1982, but I’m pretty sure I worked extra hard to keep my room clean and keep my toys put away. Nobody wants to wake up in the middle of the night to find their Build-a-Bear looking at them with malice. I literally hate and fear clowns because of Poltergeist.