James Cameron Should Shut His Piehole

By ANDY MORGAN

I’m sure you’ve heard the brouhaha James Grumpypants Cameron started last week by dropping a Cleveland Steamer on the recently released Piranha 3D, whereupon one of the movie’s producers, Mark Canton, responded in kind today with a longwinded email that was equally douchetastic as Cameron’s verbal napalm in his interview with Vanity Fair. And while I’m not impressed with either man’s behavior, I’m going to single out James Cameron because he was the instigator. All of those dives to the bottom of the ocean have caused his brain to forget the time old adage of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” James, you need to shut your piehole.

Why? Because 3D, whether in your blockbuster Avatar or in the trailer trash Piranha 3D, is absolutely, without question, 100 percent lame. It is all those things you describe in Vanity Fair – cheap, bad, bottom of the barrel and a last gasp. Honestly, James, I don’t know who is buttering your buns in Hollywood, but I challenge you to go sit in a multiplex in Anytown U.S.A where people aren’t vested in your financial success and ask them how much they enjoy 3D. They suffer through this absurd gimmick because their kids laugh and clap when stuff flies in their face. 3D is like letting your kids run wild at the McDonald’s Playland. It smells like pee and cheese, but the kids are having a good time and smiling and that’s enough to make mom and dad happy. Ironcially, kids enjoy 3D, but even they don’t really give a rat’s ass in the end. It’s about story and character and you achieved those with Avatar. Mark my words, James: 3D did not drive the success of Avatar. The story did. Period.

Personally, even though I hate 3D and hope it dies a swift death in the coming years, I can pat the filmmakers of Piranha 3D on the back and give them kudos for actually using 3D in the right way. It’s nothing more than a cheap parlor trick and should be used as such. In fact, because Piranha 3D uses the gimmick of 3D to their advantage, it highlights how insipid and gaudy other films become by adding 3D after the film has been shot. But then, really, why am I surprised? The Almighty Dollar rules Tinsletown as does the unchecked ego, which is what seems to be your problem, James. You are a damn fine filmmaker, Mr. Cameron and are right about a lot of things, but not this. Piranha 3D did it right.

Skyline: Contender or Pretender?

Dan alerted me to the trailer for Skyline, a new Schi-Fi film from Brothers Strause (Alien vs. Predator: Requiem), last week and I just got around to watching it yesterday. I say Schi-Fi instead of Sci-Fi, because this appears to be one of those Independence Day-style movies where the shit hits the fan and everyone in Los Angeles receives a stern pruneslam from invading aliens.  It also appears to have me grossly conflicted on whether or not this will be a wonderful, bombastic holiday treat (it hits theaters on November 12, 2010), or a big-screen blast of something better suited for the SyFy Channel . Given that the Brothers Strause got their start in special effects and started their own special effects company (Hydralux), and given the fact the movie stars Eric Balfour and Donald Faison, I don’t hold any hope this movie will do particularly well.

However, before I start digging Skyline’s grave, tell me what you think of the trailer. Perhaps I’m completely wrong and this will picture will be a surprise holiday hit. Based solely on the effects, I’m hoping that’s the case, because I enjoyed the trailer immensely.

Even More Reasons to Hate George Moneybags Lucas

Photos from the set of The Empire Strikes Back have producer Gary Kurtz looking like some bearded, bright-eyed, Tinsletown version of Brigham Young. Sadly, for Star Wars fans, Kurtz and Lucas parted ways after TESB because Kurtz wanted to continue to tell special space stories and Lucas, aka Baron Papanoida, wanted to milk every last drop of golden juice from the toy teat the Star Wars saga had begun to spawn. Specifically, Kurtz and Lucas split after TESB because they couldn’t agree on how to proceed with the third film, 1983’s Return of the Jedi. Kurtz explains in his interview with The Los Angeles Times that he was particularly grouchy about Lucas wanting to bring back the Death Star, as well as the tidy, happy ending with the Ewoks. Kurtz claims Lucas’ thrust was merchandise, so he left and moved on to other, lamer projects, like The Dark Crystal.

Why is this relevant? Well, Kurtz was headed down to Celebration V in Orlando, Florida and decided to get some weighty matters off his chest with the LA Times beforehand. The entire article is fantastic reading, particularly if you feel punched in the soft parts by Lucas’ lame prequels, which Kurtz – surprise, surprise – thought were ok, but not great. Interesting. Kind of like Return of the Jedi.

Click here to read the entire article at the Los Angeles Times.

Kit Fisto Says Prepare to Get Fisted! Star Wars to Blu in 2011!

You knew it was coming someday, but now the release of the entire Star Wars saga to Blu-ray is official via Baron Papanoida at the Celebration V event in Orlando, Florida. Host Jon Stewart asked the Baron fan submitted questions, and aside from how big are Aayla Secura’s hoots, the question of Star Wars to Blu-ray was the most frequent. B-Pappy says it will hit stores at a yet-to-be-announced date in Fall 2011.

The set will have all six movies and a buttload of special features, including many deleted scenes Star Wars fans have only heard rumored. One such scene from Return of the Jedi was introduced by a bloated and wrinkly Mark Hamill, that of Luke Skywalker building his green lightsaber and stashing it in R2-D2 before he heads out to lay waste to Jabba the Hutt’s stronghold and fleet of rusty sailboats. For a full list of scenes you may or may not see on the Blu-ray versions of Star Wars, follow this link to Wookieepedia.

Obviously, despite my hatred for Lucas, I’m buying this set. Here’s a question: What do you think the retail price will be? Lord of the Rings was $79, I believe, so I can’t see this being priced less than $149. I better start saving my Republic credits so come 2011 I’m not getting fisted by Kit Fisto’s special force shocker he previously only used for Jedi Conehead.

PS – While you save your hard earned cash, enjoy this little clip from Robot Chicken. One of my favorite of their Star Wars spoofs.

Christoph Waltz in Spider-Man 4 as Villain? Please oh Please!

After the travesty that was Spider-Man 3, I wasn’t really pining for any more Sam Raimi involvement. Like Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher with the pre-Christopher Nolan Batman films, the style and methods he brought to the franchise got old and moldy. It was time for new blood. As it stands today, the reboot of Spider-Man, due in 2012, has a director (Marc Webb) and Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield), but no villain as of yet. According to rumblings on the World Wide Web, the filmmakers are considering Christoph Waltz as a potential foe for Spider-Man. If these rumors are true, this is a fantastic choice by Webb and Co. Waltz was fabulously creepy as Col. Hans Landa, the “Jew hunter” in last summer’s Inglourious Basterds.

What do you think about this potential casting? Furthermore, if Waltz was cast as the villain, who would he play?

It’s Official, Twihards: One Year Wait Between Breaking Dawn Part One and Two

Twilight fans have been a spoiled bunch. In less than two years they’ve enjoyed three movies – Twilight, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse – hewed from their beloved Stephanie Meyer vampire/werewolf romance series of the same name. Star Wars fans had to wait six years for three movies and even Lord of The Rings groupies had to wait three years for their saga to be completed.

Well, karma has come full circle, my friends. At last Twilight haters will have their revenge.

Twihards were already grumpy about having to wait almost a year and a half between The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (released on June 30, 2010) and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part I (releasing November 11, 2011), but now they’ll have to wait another year for Breaking Dawn – Part II to hit theaters on November 16, 2012. Despite the wailing, weeping, gnawing and gnashing of teeth by Team Edward and Team Jacob, this is a smart move by Summit Entertainment. This allows them to extend the life of Twilight and milk the franchise for every last drop of cougar cash.

As a side note, and I should point out I’ve never read the Twilight books, I’d like to go on record by saying Breaking Dawn sounds like a crock of shit. Reading the plot summary on Wikipedia has literally made me want to punch my own testicles. All the will-she-or-won’t-she questions are gone and with it the suspense and drama and whatever semblance of a story Meyer had concocted before this fourth book, and that’s being generous. Breaking Dawn seems like Meyer’s attempt at being Switzerland, especially with Jacob “imprinting” himself on Bella’s newborn vampire-human daughter. Oh, you couldn’t have Bella, well hope lil’ sis is good enough. And that’s not all – will someone please explain to me how a vampire, the walking dead, can get a human pregnant? I mean, I’ve heard of shooting blanks, but what is a vampire shooting?

In the end, I see Breaking Dawn as a flimsy, limp capstone to a franchise that was already borderline ridiculous to being with. In the end, I see Meyer’s saga for what it really is: a soap opera, full of kooky creatures and make believe, written as justification for a life’s worth of regretful, logic-based choices. She calls it fiction, but I see a four-part journal entry.

Redbox Going Blu for $1.50 a Day

It was only a matter of time before Redbox introduced Blu-ray DVDs into their self-serve kiosks, and in all actuality one could argue Redbox is late to the game. I am a loyal Netflix member and their large selection of Blu-ray releases is the main reason. Still, $1.50 a night for a Blu-ray isn’t a bad deal and depending on future selection (see below), I might end up giving Netflix a nice pruneslam, especially where they have rejected me as an affiliate in Linkshare and Google’s Affiliate Network, with no justification or answer to my cries of “WTF?”.

At any rate, Redbox’s official announcement was last Friday, July 30, and a Blu-ray Disc Availability page was up shortly thereafter. A quick search of zipcode 84321 shows 14 Blu-ray locations in Cache Valley. I decided to check it out for myself and investigated the Redbox at 7-11 at the corner of Main Street and 1400 North. Surprise, surprise, the location did in fact have Blu-ray discs and I’m taking home The Book of Eli tonight in vending-dispensed hi-def to cap the whole experience.

Bottom line: Depending on future titles, this might trump my use of Netflix, especially if I’m super-prompt in watching the movies the day I rent them, which, I won’t lie, is usually not the case. Just at Netflix. I had Flame and Citron for five months before I finally watched it and sent it back for The White Ribbon, which I’ll probably have until Christmas.

For a list of all Cache Valley locations, click this link. As always, your opinions are welcome.

Trailer Tuesday: The Town

I watched Armageddon on Blu-ray a few weeks ago and even though I will bang the drum for the I Heart Michael Bay fan club, and argue that all his movies, including Pearl Harbor, are entertaining and wonderfully stylistic, I will not champion Ben Affleck for any acting awards any time soon. In fact, with the exception of a few roles, Affleck’s thespian skills deserve a hearty pruneslam. The animal cracker scene in Armageddon and nearly every moment where he’s spraying spittle and snot via his bawling (Haaaaarrrry! Nooooooo! I looooove yoooou!) are cringe-worthy and dry-heave-inducing.

On the other hand, Affleck proved he might be a more attractive and hunky version of Ron Howard with his 2007 directorial debut, Gone Baby Gone. If you loved that movie, despite its gritty and sad story, as much as I did (fans of Dennis Lehane should love it), then Affleck’s next project, The Town, might fit the bill. The trailer definitely has that Oscar smell and the cast is a mélange of pretty faces and acting prowess. Affleck is behind and in front of the lens this time around, and he’s joined by Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker), Jon Hamm (Mad Men), Rebecca Hall (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Blake Lively (Gossip Girl), Chris Cooper (Married Life) and Pete Postlethwaite (Clash of the Titans).

The Town will premiere at this year’s Toronto International Film Festival on September 11 and will release wide on September 17, 2010. Take a look at the trailer and give me your thoughts.

2010 Comic-Con Report: Visionaries Panel with Abrams and Whedon

Bryce Casselman made the trek from Hyrum, Utah to San Diego California this past week for the 2010 Comic-Con. AATM appreciates him corresponding and sending news and impressions from the comic book festival.

By BRYCE CASSELMAN

At the 2010 Comic-Con Visionary Panel, entertainment juggernauts Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams sat down to talk about life, comic books and their upcoming films.

Although Abrams was extremely tight-lipped about the upcoming film Super 8, he did say he was working with Steven Spielberg on the project. He also reminisced about when he was in college and was paid $300 to repair some of Spielberg’s first films.

Whedon, talked about the upcoming Avengers movie, officially confirming that he was indeed directing the film. When asked about the film, Whedon said that what he loved about it was how “it is really counter-intuitive, that these people should not be in the same room, let alone on the same team…and that is the very definition of family.”

Whedon also talked about his film Cabin in the Woods, which he co-wrote with Drew Goddard. He said that the movie is currently in flux, depending on the fate of MGM.

When asked about how they got into comic books, Abrams  talked about getting a job at age 14 in a comic book store and, as a writer for The Electric Company, one day, Whedon’s father brought home a box of Spider-Man comic books. Whedon jokingly stated that his father might as well have introduced him to Meth.

Also talking about his father, Abrams told about when he was leaving for college, his father’s advice to him was to “go learn what to make movies about, not how to make movies.”

Other projects mentioned by Whedon were a web series he wrote with Warren Ellis, an acclaimed comic book writer, and a sequel to Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog—however no definite plans have been made.

Abrams spoke briefly about his new television series, being produced for NBC, that centers around a husband and wife spy team.

You can watch the Visionaries Panel online by following this link.

Paranormal Activity 2 Trailer Made Me Crap Myself

By ANDY MORGAN

I saw Paranormal Activity three times during its run in theaters last October and it scared the bejeezus out of me every time. Something about an invisible demon dragging a screaming chick down the hallway in her pajamas makes me pee a little in my pants every time. Apparently boatloads of Americans felt the same, because the movie made for $15,000 grossed over $107 million at the box office. I thought the concept was clever and well-executed and I thought the marketing behind the film was brilliant. Still, when a Paranormal Activity sequel was announced and fasttracked, I had to balk and give the finger to Hollywood and its propensity to overzealously hump the hell out of any film that is a surprise success. I immediately thought of The Blair Witch Project and its disastrous sequel.

And then I saw this trailer and changed my mind. Sure, it looks like more of the same, but if that’s the case, then we’re in for some butt-puckering goodness. Take a peek at the trailer after the jump and let me know what you think. As for me, I’m officially anticipating Paranormal Activity 2’s October 22, 2010 release.