Archive for the 'Showcase of Shame' Category

Showcase of Shame: Event Horizon

Published by Dan on August 27, 2009 in Showcase of Shame. 5 Comments Tags: , , , .

You know you’ve got them. Everyone does: Movies you’re ashamed to admit you like, much less own. We’re not talking about those late night movies you watch when no one thinks you’re looking– we’re talking about bonafide theatrical releases pummeled by critics with the left-right-uppercut combo of loathing and disgust. We’re talking about movies your friends pull off your shelf and say, “What the heck/*expletive*!?” The movies you know you’ll be mocked for and unapologetically watch anyway. Some come down the pipe via populist backlash (IE-Titanic). Some are gold wrapped in platinum stuffed in a rusty aluminum box. Some are just plain terrible. But that doesn’t matter. We’re making no apologies and it’s time to kick that shame right where it counts.

Introducing the Showcase of Shame: a spotlight on films we’re not ashamed (er…maybe a little) to say we like in one way or another—in no particular order, of course. Sure, you might make fun of us, but we know you’ve got your own list. And it’s hidden quietly under your mattress.

Read on.

Event HorizonEvent Horizon (1997)

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Laurence “Neoooooooooooo!” Fishburne, Sam “Dr. Grant” Neill, Joely “You Know Me if You Watch TV” Richardson, a pokey spaceship and 3200 gallons of blood substitute.

Tomatometer: 21%

If you want to have that “Event Horizon” experience without spending the seven bucks, try this instead: Put a bucket on your head. Have a loved one beat on it vigorously with a wrench for 100 minutes. — Stephen Hunter, Washington Post

The concept was good. Take The Shining, add a squeeze of Alien’s grubby space travel, a half cup of Solaris with a dash of The Omen and unleash hellish horror in space. Unfortunately, scenes meant as homage (a room gushing blood) feel unoriginal and un-scary. As a whole, all the ingredients thrown into Event Horizon add up to an unfulfilling kettle of crap goulash, sealed with a perfunctory, scantly explained (“We’ll tell you what happened in a few throwaway lines of dialogue so we can get back to the bloodletting– just take our word for it, mmmkay?”) third act.

And yet… YET… Continue reading ‘Showcase of Shame: Event Horizon’

Showcase of Shame: The Spirit

Published by Dan on April 28, 2009 in Showcase of Shame. 0 Comments

You know you’ve got them. Everyone does: Movies you’re ashamed to admit you like, much less own. We’re not talking about those late night movies you watch when no one thinks you’re looking– we’re talking about bonafide theatrical releases that critics pummeled with the left-right-uppercut combo of loathing and disgust. We’re talking about movies your friends pull off your shelf and say, “What the heck/*expletive*!?” The movies you know you’ll be mocked for and unapologetically watch anyway. Some come down the pipe via populist backlash (IE-Titanic). Some are gold wrapped in platinum stuffed in a rusty aluminum box. Some are just plain terrible. But that doesn’t matter. You’re making no apologies and it’s time to kick that shame right where it counts.

Introducing the Showcase of Shame: a weekly spotlight on films we’re not ashamed (er…maybe a little) to say we like in one way or another—in no particular order, of course. Sure, you might make fun of us, but we know you’ve got your own list. And it’s hidden quietly under your mattress.

Read on.

spirit-gobbledy-goopThe Spirit (2008)

Director: Frank Miller

Starring: Gabriel “I tried!” Macht, Samuel “Over the top” Jackson and four pretty faces named Eva, Scarlett, Jaime and Sarah.

TomatoMeter: 14%

The Spirit made it’s own bed and slept in it. Unfortunately, when it sold itself as an extension of Sin City, that bed was built out of matches, gasoline and paper plates—and when The Spirit’s campy and comic escapades began kicking in, they might as well have been a BBQ lighter. As a whole, the film suffers from an audience losing cavalcade of Richter scale shaking tone shifts and directorial missteps. One minute the villainous Octopus is chucking a severed cop head (Frank Miller’s incidentally) at The Spirit, the next some goon is being run over ala Wile E. Coyote, complete with tire tracks running from stem to stern.

Continue reading ‘Showcase of Shame: The Spirit’