Twilight is what it is: Love it, hate it or care less.
I don’t begrudge anyone their love for the series, but tend to hold coats in the “care less” line. The new trailer for the latest entry (directed by 30 Days of Night’s David Slade and chomping at the bit for its June 30 release) doesn’t help, considering it could have easily been used for last year’s New Moon. Has such a simple story ever felt like its climax has been so needlessly strung out? You know, besides Harry Potter?
Bella: I hate my life… wait! Oh, you’re hot. And pale.
Edward: Yes, I am. I’m also a 100-something year old pedophile, but luckily I’m trapped in this teenage body because I’m a vampire.
Bella: –Swoon– I’m so in love with you.
Edward: I love you too. And by I love you too, I mean you smell really good and I want to eat your neck.
Bella: Go for it, but I think some other vampires want my neck.
Edward: No they don’t. I killed them.
Bella: Swoon.
Jacob: Wait, Bella. I love you too… but I’m a werewolf.
Bella: Gross. Wet dogs stink.
Edward: Hey guys, what’s up? I went away for a while but now I’m back.
Bella: I want you in my underpants.
Edward: You sure? Ok. Beat it, Jacob.
Bella: I’m preggers.
Edward: Sweet.
Bella: Here, Jacob. I like you. You can have my vampire daughter.
Jacob: Sweet. I love her.
Bella: Swoon.
THE END.
That said… Cougars, unfulfilled housewives, teen ladies and the handful of guys still in the closet about loving this stuff, your wait is over. Behold the trailer for Twilight: Eclipse.


I’m sending you back to 1982 via Trailer Tuesday with The Pirate Movie, a musical loosely based on Gilbert and Sullivan’s “comic opera,” The Pirates of Penzance. You remember 1982. It was the year of the Tylenol cyanide scare, the first artificial heart transplant and the year Michael Jackson’s Thriller sold 20 million albums to become the biggest selling record ever.
Maybe I’m a filthy old man, but there’s something absolutely hilarious about a spunky 13 year-old girl (Chloe Moretz) spouting spicy dialogue that would make a sailor blush. The only problem is will the shock-value of Kick-Ass, coming to theaters on April 16, 2010, be the foundation for the film, or simply the cherry on top? My hope is the latter, especially considering what looks to be strong, quirky, memorable performances from Nicholas Cage and Mark Strong.
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