Dear Shia: Indy 4 Sucking Wasn’t Your Fault

Like George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels and Steven Spielberg’s The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a shared blight between the two legendary filmmakers and was a giant disappointment. Like the new offerings to the other franchises, I initially forced myself to like the movie, but on subsequent viewings realized I was in love with the nostalgia, not the actual movie. Shia LaBeouf, who played Indy’s son Mutt Williams in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, seems to think the movie’s poopiness is his fault. In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, he said:

“I feel like I dropped the ball on the legacy that people loved and cherished. You get to monkey-swinging and things like that and you can blame it on the writer and you can blame it on Steven. But the actor’s job is to make it come alive and make it work, and I couldn’t do it. So that’s my fault. Simple.”

No, Shia, as much as your shtick is the same in every movie and that’s wearing on my like a pair of undersized tighty-whities, I don’t think The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was your fault. Not even close. It’s Lucas’ fault and, frankly, Spielberg’s fault. These guys suffer from King Midas syndrome and think whatever they touch, even just by name, will turn to gold. These guys might be making money like crazy, but tell me the last time one of them made a movie you would call “classic” or “beloved.” For Lucas it’s been since 1983 and for Spielberg (because Saving Private Ryan might be classic, but not beloved) it’s been since 1993. Later in the interview, LaBeouf seems to acknowledge Spielberg screwed up with the fourth Indiana Jones film and he calls him out. He also dry humps his leg in the process, but he says this:

“I love him. I love Steven. I have a relationship with Steven that supersedes our business work. And believe me, I talk to him often enough to know that I’m not out of line. And I would never disrespect the man. I think he’s a genius, and he’s given me my whole life. He’s done so much great work that there’s no need for him to feel vulnerable about one film. But when you drop the ball you drop the ball.”

So now the question is has LaBeouf officially written himself out of future Indy movies (please God say yes) and what direction does the franchise take now? Do they continue with Ford, or go a different route. Personally, I’d love to see a re-boot. Harrison Ford is 68 and a new movie is at least two to three years away, so a restart with an Indy in his early or mid-twenties would fit the bill nicely.

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