Devin Faraci’s Twilight Tantrum is Hilarious!

breakingdawnI haven’t read one word of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, but I have seen the movies and they’re nothing special. I have read two pages of Meyer’s novel, The Host, and I thought it was absolute poop. Not just poop, in fact, but cat poop, which is the worst. At any rate, I’m not going to start banging the I-Hate-Twilight drum, because I also refuse to jump on it’s sibling, the I-Dry-Hump-Twilight bandwagon. I prefer to stay Switzerland on this topic.

Devin Faraci of isn’t so neutral on the subject of Twilight and especially the last novel of the series, Breaking Dawn. Faraci is a highly-regarded member of the online film community and is definitely a lightning rod with his succinct and oftentimes scathing opinions. However, if you happen to agree with him, he is pretty damn funny.  And while I won’t take pot shots at Meyer’s Mormon religion like Faraci does, I will agree with him that she is a terrible writer. I tip my hat to her on the success she’s had, but pound-for-pound her stories and her ability are questionable. Frankly, I think Meyer’s success can be attributed to the brainless buying many in our society do on a daily basis. If something has buzz and is ranked high on a list it must be good and worthy of my hard-earned dollars. Right? Wrong.

Back to Faraci – here’s one of my favorite paragraphs in his Breaking Dawn beatdown:

The baby in Bella’s belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella’s ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it’s making me laugh and laugh and laugh.

He continues:

Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she’s about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman’s terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.

I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.

You can read the full text of Faraci’s scathing rant here, but what do you think? Have you read Breaking Dawn? From what I gather it’s the least favorite book amongst the Twihards. Or, are we all heartless bastards? If so, please, enlighten us.

5 comments On Devin Faraci’s Twilight Tantrum is Hilarious!

  • I will agree, this book was bizarre. But it was, if you look at it with the incredulity that your link dude did (which I also did) it was thoroughly entertaining. Gone were the moping scenes of Bella wishing she were dead, here was a woman with a purpose! Get me laid, impregnated and then make me immortal.

    There was so much going on and I’m a bit of a speed reader so I could have missed a few things, but never a dull moment did pass.

    The sad thing is, I watched Ms Meyer’s clip on Oprah, and she said she knew how the story would end and had already planned out Breaking Dawn. Number 2 and 3 were essentially filler.

    It’s late and I’m rambling.

  • Ramble on. Somebody’s gotta make sense of the body-horrific, pedophelia-tinged, rough-sexed nightmare that BD sounds like.

    BTW- that Oprah interview was gold. I’m no Oprah fan, but her look of “Stephanie, you are a HACK” was one for the ages.

  • “body-horrific, pedophelia-tinged, rough-sexed nightmare”

    Now this is more my speed!

    Im gonna have to nerd it up and take my sleeping bag and camp out at the theater for this one!

  • both of you guys really need to shut the hell up i read all of those books and they were really great books you just don’t read like i do so i suggest you guys should shut the hell up by the way i’m a 15 year old girl

  • “…by the way i’m a 15 year old girl…”


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