I haven’t read one word of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, but I have seen the movies and they’re nothing special. I have read two pages of Meyer’s novel, The Host, and I thought it was absolute poop. Not just poop, in fact, but cat poop, which is the worst. At any rate, I’m not going to start banging the I-Hate-Twilight drum, because I also refuse to jump on it’s sibling, the I-Dry-Hump-Twilight bandwagon. I prefer to stay Switzerland on this topic.
Devin Faraci of CHUD.com isn’t so neutral on the subject of Twilight and especially the last novel of the series, Breaking Dawn. Faraci is a highly-regarded member of the online film community and is definitely a lightning rod with his succinct and oftentimes scathing opinions. However, if you happen to agree with him, he is pretty damn funny. And while I won’t take pot shots at Meyer’s Mormon religion like Faraci does, I will agree with him that she is a terrible writer. I tip my hat to her on the success she’s had, but pound-for-pound her stories and her ability are questionable. Frankly, I think Meyer’s success can be attributed to the brainless buying many in our society do on a daily basis. If something has buzz and is ranked high on a list it must be good and worthy of my hard-earned dollars. Right? Wrong.
Back to Faraci – here’s one of my favorite paragraphs in his Breaking Dawn beatdown:
The baby in Bella’s belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella’s ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it’s making me laugh and laugh and laugh.
Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she’s about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman’s terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.
I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.
You can read the full text of Faraci’s scathing rant here, but what do you think? Have you read Breaking Dawn? From what I gather it’s the least favorite book amongst the Twihards. Or, are we all heartless bastards? If so, please, enlighten us.