I use the word “edgy” in the title of this post because “ridonkulous” wouldn’t quite fit. I thought this “Beastly” was a Sci-Fi channel or made-for-television movie when I first saw it advertised, but now I realize it’s something planned for a July 30th, 2010 release to the big screen. The studio is calling it a retelling of the classic “Beauty and the Beast” tale; I call it latching on to the “Twilight” teat and hoping to ride the wave of supernatural teenage lust, this time with Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens as The Beast and Beauty, respectively.
Here’s the summary from the studio:
Kyle Kingson (Alex Pettyfer) has it all – looks, intelligence, wealth and opportunity – and a wicked cruel streak. Prone to mocking and humiliating “aggressively unattractive” classmates, he zeroes in on Goth classmate Kendra, inviting her to the school’s extravagant environmental bash. Kendra accepts, and, true to form, Kyle blows her off in a particularly savage fashion. She retaliates by casting a spell that physically transforms him into everything he despises. Enraged by his horrible and unrecognizable appearance he confronts Kendra and learns that the only solution to the curse is to find someone that will love him as he is – a task he considers impossible.
Repulsed by his appearance, Kyle’s callous father banishes him to Brooklyn with a sympathetic housekeeper and blind tutor. As Kyle ponders how to overcome the curse and get his old life back, he chances upon a drug addict in the act of killing a threatening dealer. Seizing the opportunity, Kyle promises the addict freedom and safety for his daughter, Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens) if she will consent to live in Kyle’s Brooklyn home. Thus begins Kyle’s journey to discover true love in this hyper-modern retelling of the classic “Beauty and the Beast” story.
Seriously? Hyper-modern? Ewwwwkay. Anyway, I’m betting this doesn’t see theaters and ends up a direct-to-DVD showcase of nonsense. If I want my Vanessa Hudgens fix, which I don’t, because that would close to pedophilia, I’ll either watch “High School Musical” or I’ll find her racy pictures on the Internet. Either way, “Beastly” holds no appeal to this guy.
Click the thumbnails below for some “Beastly” images.