G.I. Joe’s Too Bootylicious For Ya, Babe
by Dan
So there’s a new poster for the upcoming all-odds-are-on-awful G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra that opens in August. It prominently features the lower anterior money-maker for Sienna Miller (aka The Baroness), two cordless Black and Decker Do-it-Herself drills, icy-hot Photoshop effects and some good and bad guys, too. It also features an ode to Baroness Booty tagline: Evil Never Looked So Good.
In other news, Chewbacca’s bowcaster was reported as stolen. Scarlett had no reply at the time of this publishing.
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I was never a G.I. Joe fan, so I have zero nostalgic interest in this film.
That said, the trailer looked awful. Technically impressive, but just flat out, balls-to-the-wall stupid. Like a turd in a prom dress.
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Amen– But even that prom dress is a 1998 Faded Glory clearance bin knockoff.
I’m not hopeful for this at all– and while I don’t think it needs to take a hard edge (GI Joe’s 80s resurrection in and of itself is slightly ridiculous–it’s a fantasy TOY)the whole cinematic affair needs to be fun. Judging by all the goopy CGI on level with the overdone and UNfun Van Helsing, I’m not optimistic… But I think I already said that.
Still, expectations could be so low we may be surprised.
Is it just me, or does “When all else fails, they don’t” sound kind of awkward?
This is gonna suck b*lls.
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I agree, this isn’t just going to suck, it’s going to gargle.