Movie Review: 2012 (D)

2012-white-houseI’m not going to waste your time or space on AATM with an elaborate review of 2012. All you need to know is Roland Emmerich continues his 13 year end-of-the-word-destruction fetish, this time linking the end of the Mayan long count calendar on December 21, 2012, to solar flares and aligned planets that spell sayonara to Mother Earth via earthquakes, volcanoes and massive tsunamis.  And, in the end, this almost three-hour movie has nothing to offer but a few mildly eye-widening destruction scenes, and even those feel like a been-there-done-that. You’re probably safer renting Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow and watching them back-to-back.

Some critics have called 2012 a “fun ride,” “disaster porn” and “the best bad movie in years,” and I’m just not sure how those comrades can make that claim. I get the idea of a popcorn movie. I’m completely fine with implausibility, silliness and campiness, but those aren’t the problems facing 2012. No, Emmerich’s movie has atrocious character development and acting; I literally didn’t care who lived or died. Its story and its layout are choppy and confusing; Emmerich could have completely cut the first 20 minutes of the film and viewers wouldn’t even notice the loss.  All of these weaknesses are amplified by the sheer length of 2012. At nearly three hours, I was praying to God he’d end the world in 2011.

That just about sums it up. 2012 is a SyFy Channel movie, just with better CGI. I’d pass on paying full price for a ticket and you may even want to pass when it arrives on DVD and Blu-ray. One thing is for sure – if you go, don’t take the kids. Not because they’ll be scared or see anything offensive, but mainly because no parent should have to pay for their kid to take a nap.

27 comments On Movie Review: 2012 (D)

  • You are so right. I was physically enraged after the movie. I cant even count the number of things that were wrong with the movie. It is enough to make a normal person transform into a mass murderer! I could watch Independence day and the day after tomorrow back to back with a little Die hard 4 put in. I had to stop myself from standing up and throwing stuff at the screen

  • Hey the movie was not so bad also that u need to throw things at the screen,either u r another retard who wanna becum a mass murderer or ur jst so dumb dat u watchd the wrong movie…….

  • So now instead of waiting for TBS I should wait for SciFi?

    Regardless, your review was funny.

  • I thought 2012 was a good movie, but it was really, really, long, some parts could have been left out, audiences would rather see more action like the car and plane scenes.

  • Great comments, Para and Chris. I am quickely become a Roland Emmerich hater. I thought 10,000 B.C. was another pile of turd, as well. At this point, I am a fan of Independence Day and The Patriot. That’s it. 2012 will make money, but it’s crap. Michael Bay gets the dumb popcorn movie and excels at it, but Emmerich? Not so much.

    @Jeet – Insulting people is not debating the merits of the movie. Why don’t you tell us why you think the movie was “not so bad” and take your foot of the jackass pedal?

    @Jenny = Thanks! And hey, remember, it’s SyFy now, not Sci-Fi. Lamest name change of a television network EVER.

  • @ Jeet. NO U! Any way I will not stoop into a retort. You may rant and rave as much as your heart desires.

    @Andy: More on the movie: there was absolutely no character development. Every character was a caricature, the Deep throated russian mafia, The black president, the jack ass bureaucrat, the lame scientist, the accidental pilot(WTF?) To top it off he used every movie cliche shamelessly.
    ” I think there is something pulling us apart” and boom the earth cracks and pulls apart between Peet and her BF
    The man – God divide at the Cistine Chapel… the elongated good byes…
    Even the Bentley moment was out of place. You dont even realize that it was intended to be humorous. The list goes on and on and on…

  • I thought the film was fantastic! Your opinion is quite legit though. I would recommend people to see it though. You have to admit that it was action packed and entertaining.

  • All it takes is a taste of hitting the big time and you forget the little people that have been around from the start. That hurts, Dan. That hurts real bad.

  • But they said thy’d tell their friends.

  • I for one can’t wait to have a copy of 2012 to add to my Blu-ray collection, might be an over the top film, chessy etc, but who cares, it’s great fun and entertaining.

    It’s certainly far more intelligent than the usual rubbish out there like Batman, X-Men (lol what a load of crap) or any of the brain-dead rubbish aimed at the moronic low-IQ masses.

  • Steve.

    I hope your not proposing 2012 is a better, more intelligent film that Batman Begins or even Dark Knight..

  • I felt the movie was not outstanding but I have to disagree with the writer about the movie being so bad. It is still a good movie. It gives us a pictorial image about how earth will react if the end of world theory has to come true. However, the director should have concentrated more on characterization and a stronger story line. There was a huge scope for making this a better movie in terms of story and creativity but I guess Emmerich was content with just creating some outstanding CGI. However, on a lighter note, if the theory has to come true in 2012, only Americans, few Europeans and a handful of Chinese will survive?…. what about other people from the rest of the world??? 

  • I totally agree with vikram when he says that director only cocentrated on saving americans,russians and bla,bla,bla!,but what ilove about the movie was that he wanted to teach us a lesson that whether or not 2012 does take place or not and whether human civilization demolished or not but the humanity should live for ever because as we all know every living thing that takes birth does die one day any how

  • @Steve – I’m with Danny. I hope you’re kidding.

    @Vikram – Thank you for simultaneously disagreeing with me and then providing evidence and testimony for why I am right. LOL!

    @jai – Remember, Africa went unscathed and at the end of the movie and was everyone’s destination point.

  • Andy, Danny, I agree a guy running about in black spandex is by far more intelligent than 2012 =)

  • @Steve1969- That’s “body armor” to you, Mister!

  • Rofl Body Armour, Spandax, that’s bullet proof, but a dog can chew through it, why do people think something brainless from a children’s comic is on a par with 2012?

  • Steve, you really liked 2012? What sold it for you? Also, would you care to share some of your other favorite films of late? This is a safe place. We won’t mock you too bad. :)

  • it was a great movie u are just picky jerks

  • Wow, Cheesehog11. You nailed it. We ARE a bunch of picky jerks. You've really turned my life around, pal.

    From now on, it's Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Wild Hogs and big loud destruction for this kid. You pulled me back from the brink. For a while there, I was actually caring about things like characters and intelligence. Whew!

  • It's called an opinion and mine was this movie was pure shit. You think it rocks. Good for you. Now go cry somewhere else, Drippy.

  • 2012 What a load of crap !!! My biggest problem with 2012 was not the bad science, or bad acting, but rather the born again christian sub text. What d fuck had jesus to do with d mayans ? Nothing !!! Just an excuse to use the mayan predictions to promote the christian fairy tale of the Rapture. Hollywood realy does think that we the audience are stupid sheep.

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