Shark Night 3D Poster and Trailer, While Cool, Does Not Redeem Surefire Crapfest

Sharks are cool. 3D is lame. And both together, as last summer’s Piranha 3D proved, will not make good bedfellows. But Hollywood doesn’t care. Shark Night 3D has six pack Abercrombie abs, bikini wedgies, boobies, blood, explosions, hillbillies, wakeboarding, booze and CGI 3D sharks to make the under 25, backwards-hat-brigade of douchebags squeal like they’re warming up their $1 bills for a trip to Vegas. David R. Ellis, the director and man behind 2006’s Snakes on a Plane, isn’t looking for awards or honors, but a big fat payday and a juicy box-office weekend, followed with a director’s cut/unrated DVD/Blu-ray release a few months later that will cap the film nicely and ensure a bloodier, boobier sequel will follow shortly.

What’s this all mean? I’m not sure. All I know is I’ll be seeing this for sure and will most likely be angry and disappointed when I leave the cineplex. I love sharks and am waiting for Hollywood to give me another Jaws type movie. Something I can be proud of and watch endlessly. This, for obvious reasons, is not it. At any rate, check out the cool poster to the left and the trailer below. I’d elaborate on the plot, but I think you can figure it out from the preview. Nobody worth mentioning is starring in this movie. It opens on September 2, 2011.

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