James Cameron Should Shut His Piehole

By ANDY MORGAN

I’m sure you’ve heard the brouhaha James Grumpypants Cameron started last week by dropping a Cleveland Steamer on the recently released Piranha 3D, whereupon one of the movie’s producers, Mark Canton, responded in kind today with a longwinded email that was equally douchetastic as Cameron’s verbal napalm in his interview with Vanity Fair. And while I’m not impressed with either man’s behavior, I’m going to single out James Cameron because he was the instigator. All of those dives to the bottom of the ocean have caused his brain to forget the time old adage of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” James, you need to shut your piehole.

Why? Because 3D, whether in your blockbuster Avatar or in the trailer trash Piranha 3D, is absolutely, without question, 100 percent lame. It is all those things you describe in Vanity Fair – cheap, bad, bottom of the barrel and a last gasp. Honestly, James, I don’t know who is buttering your buns in Hollywood, but I challenge you to go sit in a multiplex in Anytown U.S.A where people aren’t vested in your financial success and ask them how much they enjoy 3D. They suffer through this absurd gimmick because their kids laugh and clap when stuff flies in their face. 3D is like letting your kids run wild at the McDonald’s Playland. It smells like pee and cheese, but the kids are having a good time and smiling and that’s enough to make mom and dad happy. Ironcially, kids enjoy 3D, but even they don’t really give a rat’s ass in the end. It’s about story and character and you achieved those with Avatar. Mark my words, James: 3D did not drive the success of Avatar. The story did. Period.

Personally, even though I hate 3D and hope it dies a swift death in the coming years, I can pat the filmmakers of Piranha 3D on the back and give them kudos for actually using 3D in the right way. It’s nothing more than a cheap parlor trick and should be used as such. In fact, because Piranha 3D uses the gimmick of 3D to their advantage, it highlights how insipid and gaudy other films become by adding 3D after the film has been shot. But then, really, why am I surprised? The Almighty Dollar rules Tinsletown as does the unchecked ego, which is what seems to be your problem, James. You are a damn fine filmmaker, Mr. Cameron and are right about a lot of things, but not this. Piranha 3D did it right.

Movie Review: The Last Airbender (F)

By ANDY MORGAN

There are very few movies I completely and utterly abhor. Generally, I can usually find something positive or likeable in a film, even if said cinema is receiving disgust and scorn en masse from most fall-in-line movie critics. I relish the truth that I don’t always see eye-to-eye with most critics and can find some thread of hope in Hollywood’s efforts. Such is not the case with M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender. I literally hated every cringe-inducing minute I spent at the Cineplex with the useless 3D glasses stuck to my face. And I’m even angrier because Shyamalan duped me back in 2008 with The Happening, another dreadful catastrophe from the guy behind Signs, one of my favorite movies of all-time. He’s been on the Tour of Suck since The Village and given every opportunity to succeed, he falls flat. Shame on Shyamalan.

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Movie Review: The Last Airbender (C-)

By DAN VINTON

If there’s one thing The Last Airbender does well, it proves any mystique surrounding M. Night Shaymalan is gone. With this coffin-bound nail, all residual goodwill The Sixth Sense director retained from followup successes like Unbreakable, Signs and even the creepy but fatally flawed The Village has been throttled by his is own hands.

Shaymalan’s latest, (based on the 2005-2008 Nickelodeon cartoon series I’ve never seen), builds a likable, tactile, genuinely fascinating and lushly art-directed world of mishmashed fantasy/Asian mysticism where unique, element controlling tribes seek Aang, a lost kid who must find himself before he can bring them all together. Along the way, Aang is aided by a couple white kids and and an unexplained floating Wampa-thing that looks like Falcor‘s fat, lazy cousin– all while being pursued by angry members of the warmongering, machine-making Fire Clan.

The story follows a traditional theme undermined and sabotaged by offputtingly miscast high school amateur hour “actors” (including Twilight‘s awful Jackson Rathbone and Slumdog Millionaire’s still-wet-behind-the-ears Dev Patel) who force ear-punishing dialogue in cringe worthy combos in story progression unseen since Barney & Friends. And while a third act showdown between armies of fire and ice picks things up a bit and the action is kinetic and interesting enough to warrant some moderate thrills, the movie collapses against the traveshamockery of its mutton-fisted, amateur and ultimately uninvolving first 70 minutes.

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This Week’s DVD, Blu-ray and Cinema Offerings

It’s been slim pickings here at AATM review-wise for the last few weeks. Kick-Ass wasn’t screened for Utah-based critics and both Date Night and The Losers were screened during the day, which for two working-class stiffs like me and Dan is next to impossible to attend. At any rate and all excuses aside, here’s what you can look forward to this week:

Opening in theaters on April 23:

The Losers (PG-13)

You can read Dan’s commentary on the poster here and my critique of The Losers trailer here.

The Back-up Plan (PG-13)

Watch the Super Bowl spot and read my commentary on J-Lo’s new romantic comedy here.

If you want to skip the box office lines, you can buy movie tickets in advance at Fandango.com. Plus shopping with our affiliate partners always helps AATM. It hasn’t bought me a Porsche Cayenne, but it has bought me and Dan a couple of value meals at McDonald’s.

As for DVD and Blu-ray, it’s a fairly beefy release week, with Avatar, Crazy Heart, The Lovely Bones and The Young Victoria hitting store shelves in both formats. This week also features a Blu-ray catalog release of Minority Report. You can purchase any of these titles from our affiliate partner Amazon.com below. Personally, I’d hold off on Avatar until an extended, special feature-rich version comes out (probably fall/winter 2010).

Avatar on Blu-ray and DVD April 22!

If you were of the 12 people in America who didn’t see Avatar in theaters and didn’t help fill James Cameron’s wallet with $732 million, then you can pre-order your DVD or Blu-ray copy of Avatar today from Amazon.com. It was announced yesterday the all-time highest grossing domestic and worldwide movie will hit stores on April 22 – which, by no coincidence, is Earth Day.

However, if you want special features, pretty menus and all the bells and whistles, you’ll probably want to wait for November. According to SlashFilm.com, this April 22 release is bare bones and a meatier multi-disc product will most likely hit stores in November, although probably not in 3D. I’m sure we’ll hear more details about this and the re-release of Avatar when James Cameron speaks to the press on March 23. Word on the street is the re-release will be an extended cut.

I’m crossing my fingers we’ll see an extended connect-the-hairy-ponytail-usb ports scene in the jellyfish Lite-Brite tree. I don’t know about you, but after two viewings of the nearly three-hour movie, those 12-foot Na’vi chicks were lookin’ kinda hot.

Click to order below:

Cupid Rules the Day at the Box Office

The star-studded Valentine’s Day is the box office champ this weekend, besting Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief and The Wolfman by $20 million, the latter two finishing neck-and-neck with $31 and $30 million respectively. The top five was rounded out by the strong-as-ever Avatar ($22 million) and the one-and-done Dear John ($15 million).

Now the question is will next week’s lone release, Shutter Island, take over the top spot? I’m going to say no. As of today, I’d say next weekend finishes like this:

• Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
• Shutter Island
• Avatar
• Valentine’s Day
• The Wolfman

Agree? Disagree? While I’m pining for Shutter Island, I just don’t see a dark, brooding Martin Scorsese movie coming in as the champ next weekend.

WTF? Avatar Falls to Dear John!

Avatar’s seven week reign as the box office champ ended this weekend and it wasn’t John Travolta and From Paris with Love that kicked the Na’vi in the groin. No, it was Dear John, the movie starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried, which is based on the Nicholas Sparks novel of the same name. Yes, the movie that’s currently boasting a 29 percent fresh rating on RottenTomatoes.com.  Dear John took first place with an estimated $32.4 million and Avatar was next in line with $23.6 million. From Paris with Love was a distant third with a paltry $8.1 million and will most likely be forgotten come next weekend.  One can only pray that Dear John will suffer the same.

Despite Avatar’s drop, it has made $630 million in eight weeks. If it wins the best picture Oscar on March 7^th, you know the studio is going to milk every drop and get as much mileage from that victory as possible. I’ve shown that I suck at predicting the box office (since I was the one who said Avatar wouldn’t break the global or domestic box office grip of Titanic), but I have a feeling Avatar will settle in the record books somewhere near $695 million.

It’s Official, Avatar Now the Box Office Shiz Niz

James Cameron must have a direct line to God or something, because the naysayers (including me) guffawed at the ballooned budget of 1997′s Titanic and predicted it would bomb at the box office. Instead, as we all know, Titanic became the worldwide and domestic box office champ, a record that’s held until today when, ironically, another big budget Cameron epic booted the iceberg-doomed ocean liner from number one to number two. And yes, I will admit, back on December 17, 2010 I didn’t think for a moment Avatar would be the highest grossing ever by February 4, 2010, less than two months since its release.

Now the question is what, if anything, can knock Avatar from it’s perch and will the Oscar success Avatar could see on March 7, 2010 fuel its earnings even further? Dan thought The Book of Eli might give Avatar some competition a few weeks ago, but Eli got kicked to the curb by the Na’vi by more than $10 million. I don’t think From Paris with Love, which Dan will review this Friday, has the chops to take down Avatar, but the Valentine’s Day weekend could see Avatar slip in the rankings, as The Wolfman, Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief and Valentine’s Day hit multiplexes and will suck some audience away from the 12-foot smurfs of Pandora.

At any rate, congratulations to James Cameron and his crew. Avatar is a great movie and it will be fun to see how high it will climb the charts. Again, I’m amazed Titanic has been eclipsed. I always thought it would be untouchable, sort of like John Stockton’s NBA all-time assists record. I wonder how long it will take for another movie to match Avatar’s success. Perhaps the bigger questions is what makes Avatar so special?

Avatar Set to Sink Titanic’s Longstanding Box Office Reign

So three weeks ago on the KVNU Movie Show I stupidly claimed Avatar would be hard pressed to beat Titanic’s longstanding box office record of $600,788,188 and wouldn’t even come close to the iceberg-doomed ship’s grip on the all-time worldwide box office of $1,842,879,955. Sure it was making some noise in December, but recent box office trends suggested it would drop by 50% or more in consecutive release weeks. I was confident in my opinion.

Color me corrected. As, Tyler notes below. Avatar wants me to suck it.

Avatar will break both records and break them quite handily, most likely in the next two weeks, if not sooner. Considering James Cameron’s space odyssey will get nominated for – and possibly win – the best picture Oscar, would it be insane to suggest Avatar could come close to the $700 million mark domestically? More importantly, what is the driving thrust behind all the interest? Is this the work of more expensive tickets (3D and IMAX), or is this simply a magical movie?

Listen, I gave Avatar a B plus. I loved it. But did I think it would be the eventual all-time box office champ? Not in a million years.

Please, discuss – I’d like to know everyone’s thoughts on the matter.

‘Avatar’ to Andy: Suck it!

Andy, three weeks ago: “Avatar has no chance of upending Titanic.”

Andy, two weeks ago: “It’s very unlikely that Avatar will replace Titanic as the top grossing movie of all time.”

Andy, one week ago: “Avatar could beat Titanic.”

Andy, today: “Pwned.”

The socialist Canadian Broadcasting Company reports:

James Cameron’s 3-D blockbuster Avatar has toppled one of the many records set by his earlier epic, Titanic.

Kapuskasing, Ont.-born Cameron’s science fiction extravaganza spent a sixth consecutive week atop box offices in markets around the globe.

Its total haul of $1.288 billion US internationally (not including North America) has knocked Titanic (with $1.242 billion) to No. 2 — after the historical romance had reigned as champion for more than a decade, according to estimates from Avatar distributor, 20th Century Fox.

zOMGWTFBBQ!!!!!1111111one.

I guess it could be said that Titanic‘s record has sank like…well…