Movie Review: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (B)

By ANDY MORGAN

Making fun of Twilight fans and bemoaning Stephanie Meyer’s novels and the subsequent movies is almost as easy as drumming up sarcastic jabs about Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton or Miley Cyrus. There’s no effort required. It’s easy. And it’s also out of control. It’s almost as popular to dump on the vampire-werewolf franchise as it is all the rage to scoop up Team Jacob or Team Edward paraphernalia at Hot Topic. Every time I see a teen with a mouthful of braces squeal her affection for the furry-browed Edward, or some 40 year-old lady, with the mileage of a bad marriage and five kids written on her countenance, gush at Jacob’s sculpted abs, I am simply befuddled beyond belief. How can such a ridiculous story cause such frenzy amongst its fanbase, most of whom are women?

And then I think of Star Wars nerds.

And Lord of the Rings geeks.

And the worshipers of comic books.

And I realize they are absolutely no different from the so-called Twihards.

Wearing a Team Edward shirt is no different than wearing a shirt with Darth Vader, the Eye of Sauron, Batman, Harry Potter, or Optimus Prime. Fans are fans, and like it or not, Twilight is a phenomenon with a tremendous following. As such, it brings out the haters. And that’s fine, but the naysayers ought to think twice about skipping The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, because director David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night) finally assembles all the wayward pieces of the last two films and leaves the audience with a fast-paced, action-filled soap opera that has both feet planted firmly in the realm of entertainment and less in the land of eye-rolling cheese.

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From the Files of Blah: New Twilight Eclipse Trailer Online

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse got a brand new trailer today – unveiled on Oprah – and while there isn’t any “I’ll fight for you until your heart stops beating” lines of love from six-packed lycans, there are certainly enough WTF moments to cause the Twitarded folks to scratch their heads and drool, which means there is enough nerd candy for the Twihards to suck on until June 30.

I count myself, luckily, as Twilight illiterate, so I honestly had no clue what I was watching in this minute-plus clip. However, maybe it’s the rough quality from our pals at TrailerSpy.com, but this trailer seems a step down from the Eclipse full-length preview that hit the web in March. Or maybe it’s all the talk of this “epic battle” in Eclipse and all I see is a bunch of pasty-skinned Banana Republic models having it out with some Pound Puppies. Let’s be frank, this looks like turd.

So…Twilight fans…please, enlighten me – what do you see in this preview that makes you either (a) giddy or (b) disappointed? Do the images onscreen seem to fit the story told in the book?

Does Clint Eastwood Ever Stop?

Not only is Clint Eastwood a superb director, but he is a hard worker. Seriously, the guy has been going non-stop with award-winning films since 2003 and Mystic River, which, I should add, he followed-up with Million Dollar Baby, Flags of Our Fathers, Letters from Iwo Jima, Changeling, Gran Torino, Invictus and, due in 2010, Hereafter. With the exception of Hereafter, I dare you to argue that any one of those movies isn’t nothing short of stellar. You can’t. And you won’t, because you’d be wrong.

But back to Hereafter – we don’t know much about it, except it stars Eastwood’s man-muse, Matt Damon (Invictus), and Bryce Dallas Howard (Terminator Salvation), according to Variety, was just added to the cast. Little is know about the plot, but we do know it’s being described as a supernatural thriller and was written by Peter Morgan (The Queen). Frankly, it could be about zombie gerbils that escaped from Richard Gere’s butt and somehow Eastwood would find away to emotionally connect with the audience and Oscar voters.

Anyway, my point, if you haven’t realized already is simple: Clint Eastwood is the bomb.

For discussion, what is your favorite Eastwood-directed movie? Is he a better director than actor?

“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” Gets Spawn of Ron Howard

I’m sure if you’ve read, scoured, obsessed, drooled and sweated over Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” novels, than you know who Victoria is, and chances are you have a poster of actress Rachelle Lefevre on your wall or behind your door. Lefevre played Victoria in last November’s “Twilight,” but as of today, she’s been axed from the third film – “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” – for Bryce Dallas Howard, seen most recently as Kate Conner in “Terminator Salvation,” but better known for her roles in “The Village” and “Lady in the Water.” I applaud the hiring because Bryce Dallas Howard is hot, which surprises me because she has Ron Howard DNA.

At any rate, I still don’t know who Victoria is, but it looks like she hung out with those nasty vampires from the first movie – the guy with the dreadlocks and the dude who was the bad guy in “Never Back Down.” If you’ve read the books, please share with the readers of AATM.com why we should give a flying leap who plays Victoria in the remaining “Twilight” movies.