The Losers Movie Review (D)

When I was ten, I used to have a lot of imaginary adventures with my friends. Many times we’d be army guys, stuck in some impossible situation, fighting against overwhelming odds, and, I’m embarrassed to say, there was usually a lot of overacting along the way…enter The Losers.

The latest movie by relatively unknown and unproven director Sylvan White, The Losers began in 1970 as a war comic set during WWII and then re-imagined in the ’90s with its heroes caught up in the War on Terror.

The story follows Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), leader of a Special Forces team that’s betrayed and left for dead by their handler, the faceless Max (Jason Patric), after going off mission. The team is then contacted by the beautiful and mysterious Aisha (Zoe Saldana) to help her find and kill Max and in return, get their lives back.

The other members of the team include Roque (Idris Elba) the second in command, Jensen (Chris Evans) the hacker, Pooch (Columbus Short) the pilot, and Cougar (Óscar Jaenada) the sniper. And yes, all in all, it’s pretty much every episode of The A-Team you’ve ever seen.

What it wasn’t, was beautifully stylized, like the film version of Sin City, to match its comic book origins. It wasn’t grounded in reality, like the X-Men movies, giving its viewers some sense of the familiar from which to start. And, it wasn’t even fun to watch, which even the poorly made G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra managed.

What it was, however, was an unfulfilling, 98-minute, MTV music video that had all the creativity and vision of a group of teenage boys in a ’73 Camero.

But, it was the film’s villain that made the movie really live up to its name. Written as a ruthless, untouchable, globetrotting terrorist, Jason Patric’s performance can only be described as abysmally flimsy. The best way I can describe it is like Dennis Hopper’s performance in Waterworld, minus the talent…and Dennis Hopper.

Don’t get me wrong, there were a couple of bright spots in the film, mainly delivered by Saldana, Evans and Short who managed to deliver the movie’s stiff, predicable dialogue with some semblance of believability.

Although, after seeing this film, I have to admit that I’m more concerned than ever about Chris Evans taking on the mantle of Steve Rogers in the upcoming Captain America movie. I thought he might be able to pull it off, after his fairly decent performance in Push, but for this movie, he just slipped back into his annoying, Johnny-Storm approach, which relies more on his smile than any measureable acting ability.

As for The Losers, it is a movie that’s made for the lowest common denominator, which in the case of the theater I went to was approximately age ten. In the end, I suppose, the only real losers with this movie are the people who pay to see it.

The Losers is Confused and Likewise will Suck

Guess what movie is going to drop a little baby burp at the box office in a few weeks and then disappear into the underworld of inconsequential cinema? Not Furry Vengeance or The Back-up Plan, although those two abominations are deepfried in suck. No, I’m talking about The Losers. And why you might ask? Not because Hollywood is trying to force feed me Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Accidental Husband) as a leading man, or because I’m sick of seeing Chris Evans (Push) face. The Losers is going to flop hardcore because Warner Brothers has mishandled the release badly.

The Losers, directed by Sylvian White (Stomp the Yard), was originally scheduled to release this weekend, April 9. Frankly, The Losers, with its only competition coming via Date Night, might have seen some decent returns. But for whatever reason, Warner Brothers pushed the movie out until June 4, 2010, staking its claim in a summer movie lineup that looks absolutely wretched. Now, as of a few weeks ago or sooner, the movie has been rewound to April and will release alongside The Back-up Plan on April 23^rd. This tug-of-war with the opening date does nothing to inspire confidence in me and I’m sure it doesn’t help keep the film in the radar of potential viewers.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt it. If you have an argument to the contrary, I’d love to hear it.

Trailer Tuesday: The Losers

I just can’t fathom why The Losers would position itself for an April 9, 2010 release when the inevitable bulldozing from Kick-Ass comes the following week. Honestly, The Losers seems more like an August release, something to keep the fires of summer burning but not quite shiny enough to see the light of day in the April to July cash cow window. Also, other than Zoe Saldana (Avatar) and Chris Evans (Push), there really aren’t any standout names in the cast. And yes, I purposefully left Jeffery Dean Morgan (Watchman) out of the mix. That guys two seconds away from spending the rest of his career on the Lifetime network or in Hallmark made-for-TV movies.

What do you think of the trailer? Have you read the Andy Diggle’s graphic novel of the same name? Again, my take – it could be good, but other than possibly seeing Zoe Saldana’s naked body, I can’t really think of anything else attention grabbing in this trailer.