It’s Official, Twihards: One Year Wait Between Breaking Dawn Part One and Two

Twilight fans have been a spoiled bunch. In less than two years they’ve enjoyed three movies – Twilight, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse – hewed from their beloved Stephanie Meyer vampire/werewolf romance series of the same name. Star Wars fans had to wait six years for three movies and even Lord of The Rings groupies had to wait three years for their saga to be completed.

Well, karma has come full circle, my friends. At last Twilight haters will have their revenge.

Twihards were already grumpy about having to wait almost a year and a half between The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (released on June 30, 2010) and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part I (releasing November 11, 2011), but now they’ll have to wait another year for Breaking Dawn – Part II to hit theaters on November 16, 2012. Despite the wailing, weeping, gnawing and gnashing of teeth by Team Edward and Team Jacob, this is a smart move by Summit Entertainment. This allows them to extend the life of Twilight and milk the franchise for every last drop of cougar cash.

As a side note, and I should point out I’ve never read the Twilight books, I’d like to go on record by saying Breaking Dawn sounds like a crock of shit. Reading the plot summary on Wikipedia has literally made me want to punch my own testicles. All the will-she-or-won’t-she questions are gone and with it the suspense and drama and whatever semblance of a story Meyer had concocted before this fourth book, and that’s being generous. Breaking Dawn seems like Meyer’s attempt at being Switzerland, especially with Jacob “imprinting” himself on Bella’s newborn vampire-human daughter. Oh, you couldn’t have Bella, well hope lil’ sis is good enough. And that’s not all – will someone please explain to me how a vampire, the walking dead, can get a human pregnant? I mean, I’ve heard of shooting blanks, but what is a vampire shooting?

In the end, I see Breaking Dawn as a flimsy, limp capstone to a franchise that was already borderline ridiculous to being with. In the end, I see Meyer’s saga for what it really is: a soap opera, full of kooky creatures and make believe, written as justification for a life’s worth of regretful, logic-based choices. She calls it fiction, but I see a four-part journal entry.

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (B)

By ANDY MORGAN

Making fun of Twilight fans and bemoaning Stephanie Meyer’s novels and the subsequent movies is almost as easy as drumming up sarcastic jabs about Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton or Miley Cyrus. There’s no effort required. It’s easy. And it’s also out of control. It’s almost as popular to dump on the vampire-werewolf franchise as it is all the rage to scoop up Team Jacob or Team Edward paraphernalia at Hot Topic. Every time I see a teen with a mouthful of braces squeal her affection for the furry-browed Edward, or some 40 year-old lady, with the mileage of a bad marriage and five kids written on her countenance, gush at Jacob’s sculpted abs, I am simply befuddled beyond belief. How can such a ridiculous story cause such frenzy amongst its fanbase, most of whom are women?

And then I think of Star Wars nerds.

And Lord of the Rings geeks.

And the worshipers of comic books.

And I realize they are absolutely no different from the so-called Twihards.

Wearing a Team Edward shirt is no different than wearing a shirt with Darth Vader, the Eye of Sauron, Batman, Harry Potter, or Optimus Prime. Fans are fans, and like it or not, Twilight is a phenomenon with a tremendous following. As such, it brings out the haters. And that’s fine, but the naysayers ought to think twice about skipping The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, because director David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night) finally assembles all the wayward pieces of the last two films and leaves the audience with a fast-paced, action-filled soap opera that has both feet planted firmly in the realm of entertainment and less in the land of eye-rolling cheese.

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MTV Movie Awards Exclusive Twilight Eclipse Clip

If you missed the MTV Movie Awards yesterday, then you definitely missed this exclusive Eclipse clip (say that 10 times fast) and that means you also missed some serious Edward/Jacob tension. I’m not a Twilight fan, but The Twilight Saga: Eclipse might be the best film of the soon-to-be quintology.

Click here to see the clip, or click the article headline above.

From the Files of Blah: New Twilight Eclipse Trailer Online

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse got a brand new trailer today – unveiled on Oprah – and while there isn’t any “I’ll fight for you until your heart stops beating” lines of love from six-packed lycans, there are certainly enough WTF moments to cause the Twitarded folks to scratch their heads and drool, which means there is enough nerd candy for the Twihards to suck on until June 30.

I count myself, luckily, as Twilight illiterate, so I honestly had no clue what I was watching in this minute-plus clip. However, maybe it’s the rough quality from our pals at TrailerSpy.com, but this trailer seems a step down from the Eclipse full-length preview that hit the web in March. Or maybe it’s all the talk of this “epic battle” in Eclipse and all I see is a bunch of pasty-skinned Banana Republic models having it out with some Pound Puppies. Let’s be frank, this looks like turd.

So…Twilight fans…please, enlighten me – what do you see in this preview that makes you either (a) giddy or (b) disappointed? Do the images onscreen seem to fit the story told in the book?

Behold the Bland: New Twilight Eclipse Poster is 100% Lame

I’m not a fan of The Twilight Saga, but this poster blows. I know, I know. I sound surprised. I’m not, but if I was a fan, I’d be disappointed. Plus, am I the only one who can’t figure out why Bella isn’t picking Jacob over Edward? I mean, just from the poster wouldn’t you go with the dependable hunk over the pasty-skinned, brooding vampire who is always running away? Seems clear to me, but then girls generally like the douchebags, so go figure. I suppose what they say is true: Nice guys do finish last.

Enjoy the poster. Or not.

New Moon Available this Weekend = Twihard Depends Moment

It’s almost been four months since Glittery Ed and Dour-Faced Bella were seen together with Jacob “The Real Wolfman” Black on the big screen in The Twilight Saga: New Moon, and the release of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is almost equally far off. But don’t fret, Twihards. You can hop online right now, or head to your local DVD store this Friday night, and pick up your copy of The Twilight Saga: New Moon.

If you are looking to purchase your copy online and want to help Andy at The Movies earn a little revenue in the process, please order your DVD or Blu-ray from one of our affiliate partners below.

Amazon.com

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Two-Disc Special Edition) – DVD, $20.49.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Two-Disc Special Edition) – Blu-ray, $21.99.

Best Buy.com (you can buy online and pick-up at your local Best Buy store!)

The Twilight Saga: New Moon – Widescreen Subtitle AC3 Special – DVD, $20.49.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon – Widescreen Dubbed Subtitle AC3 – Blu-ray, $21.99.

Twilight Eclipse Levi Lovin’ Photos Removed via Cease and Desist

Faithful readers of AndyatTheMovies.com probably saw a post a few days ago that featured some new Levi lovin’ images from the upcoming (June 2010) release of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. We have since been asked formally by Summit Entertainment’s legal counsel to take the images off the site. You can read the full text of the letter after the jump.

I can’t imagine why Summit wouldn’t want a little free press, even if I am mocking the film to some extent. But more importantly, what are they trying to protect? Secrets from the movie? I doubt it, because those images are so bland and non-descript they could have been from any of the three Twilight movies. Seems to be they’re being heavy-handed and uptight, but that’s ok, because while I can’t share the images any more, I can share an artist’s interpretation of what was shown in the images. Click for the full-sized masterpiece.

Enjoy.

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Twihards, Behold! New Moon DVD and Blu-ray Coming in March!

Didn’t get enough of Jacob’s six pack abs or Edward’s hairy Milk Dud vampire nipples back in November? Well don’t fret, friend! The Twilight Saga: New Moon is hitting store shelves on DVD and Blu-ray on March 20, 2010! That’ll be a nice bridge for the Twihards who are fidgeting and antsy, either during class or while folding laundry, at the long gulf between the bleak month of January and June 30, 2010, when The Twilight Saga: Eclipse hits cinemas.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon DVD and Blu-ray will feature audio commentary from director, Chris Weitz and editor Peter Lambert, as well as a six part documentary, rehearsal footage, three music videos and a leaked sex tape with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Okay, the last one was a lie, but wouldn’t that be cool? No, you’re right, I didn’t think so either.

Cougars and Teens Rejoice! Twilight Coming to IMAX!

Oh, Nelly! Twihards are going to poop their pants over this news! Not only will fans of Edward Furrybrows, Jacob Wolfsack and Bella Sadpants be able to swoon and lust over their Stephanie Meyer-created crazy characters, but – BUT – they’ll be able to get their fix while watching The Twilight Saga: Eclipse on the very, very, very big screen of IMAX. Holy cuss!

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is directed by David Slade (30 Days of Night, Hard Candy) and continues the vampire-werewolf-depressed-chick saga started in Twilight and The Twilight Saga: New Moon. I don’t know much about the plot and I just had dinner, so I didn’t want to look, but something tells me that crazy vampire Victoria (this time played by Bryce Dallas Howard) will be out to get Bella, and Bella will still be giving Jacob the shaft whilst entertaining the pasty-skinned douche known as Edward. Everyone is telling me this one will have more action, too! Oh, boy! Can’t wait!

Sigh. Please, Twilight fans, let me know if I got that right. I’m guessing I did.

Movie Review – The Twilight Saga: New Moon (C+)

The tidal wave of New Moon hysteria hit early this morning as thousands of women of all ages, along with 25 guys, streamed into screenings starting at midnight, all hoping the second film in The Twilight Saga would be as tasty or better than last year’s Twilight. Judging by the squeals and the oohs and the ahhs, I’d say 99 percent of the audience was satiated with enough gooey Edward and Bella romance to last until June 2010 when The Twilight Saga: Eclipse hits theaters. Me? I pulled my hood over my head and wept bitter tears for the unrequited love young Jacob must endure at the hands of that charlatan, Miss Swan.

Of course, I kid about hiding my face in my hood, but don’t be mistaken. While the New Moon tsunami has landed and will leave with its pockets full of cash, there is another fierce storm blowing across the web, this one in the form of severe hatred of all things Twilight, specifically the fans and the newest film. This is nothing new, I suppose, whereas Stephanie Meyer has been called a hack from coast-to-coast, the most notable being Stephen King’s lambasting of Meyer’s skills last February in USA Weekend. King said, “”Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people… the real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephanie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.”

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