New Predators Trailer

Last week, fan pants were soiled when a behind the scenes teaser for Predators upstaged SXSW and quickly made its way to AATM. Not a week later, the teaser trailer hits, showing more scenes of running, sweating and nervous glancing.

For its part, the trailer is pretty effective — even more so if you haven’t seen the teaser– but I’m not on board. Still.

Robert Rodriguez, who’s not directing but has his fingerprints all over the project, isn’t a guy I have a lot of faith in. The stylistically fantastic Sin City and grind-house silly Planet Terror are both emotionally repugnant “Huh-huh-huh” films– movies that value the “wouldn’t it be cool if” over soul. Combine that with the last few iterations of the Predator, especially the mean-spirited, nihilistic AVP: Requiem, and there’s plenty of room for this new entry to take on the same cretinous tone: One where the Predator went from a threatening, codified hunter to an interstellar slasher.

Still, Predator remains a franchise I’ll pay money to see every time. Hopefully, with the emphasis on “the hunt”, we’ll get something remotely worthy of association with John McTiernan’s 1987 classic.

Predators Sneak Peak = Cinematic Viagra

Oh man oh man oh man. How cool is this sneak peak clip from the upcoming summer release, Predators, directed by Nimród Antal (Vacancy, Armored) and produced by Robert Rodriguez (Shorts)? Ooooh, let me answer – pretty friggin’ cool. Opening on July 9, I just can’t imagine any way this movie won’t be pure awesome, and based off what I see of Adrian Brody (The Brothers Bloom), I think my assertion his casting was a great choice is more than evident.

Predators also stars Topher Grace (Spider-Man 3), Alice Braga (Blindness), Laurence Fishburne (Armored) and Danny Trejo (Grindhouse). If you feel a slight rise in your shorts when you hear Arnold say “get to the chopppah!” in Predator, than chances are you won’t need your daily dose of ExtenZe this evening. Enjoy!

Showcase of Shame: Event Horizon

You know you’ve got them. Everyone does: Movies you’re ashamed to admit you like, much less own. We’re not talking about those late night movies you watch when no one thinks you’re looking– we’re talking about bonafide theatrical releases pummeled by critics with the left-right-uppercut combo of loathing and disgust. We’re talking about movies your friends pull off your shelf and say, “What the heck/*expletive*!?” The movies you know you’ll be mocked for and unapologetically watch anyway. Some come down the pipe via populist backlash (IE-Titanic). Some are gold wrapped in platinum stuffed in a rusty aluminum box. Some are just plain terrible. But that doesn’t matter. We’re making no apologies and it’s time to kick that shame right where it counts.

Introducing the Showcase of Shame: a spotlight on films we’re not ashamed (er…maybe a little) to say we like in one way or another—in no particular order, of course. Sure, you might make fun of us, but we know you’ve got your own list. And it’s hidden quietly under your mattress.

Read on.

Event Horizon (1997)

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Laurence “Neoooooooooooo!” Fishburne, Sam “Dr. Grant” Neill, Joely “You Know Me if You Watch TV” Richardson, a pokey spaceship and 3200 gallons of blood substitute.

Tomatometer: 21%

If you want to have that “Event Horizon” experience without spending the seven bucks, try this instead: Put a bucket on your head. Have a loved one beat on it vigorously with a wrench for 100 minutes. — Stephen Hunter, Washington Post

The concept was good. Take The Shining, add a squeeze of Alien‘s grubby space travel, a half cup of Solaris with a dash of The Omen and unleash hellish horror in space. Unfortunately, scenes meant as homage (a room gushing blood) feel unoriginal and un-scary. As a whole, all the ingredients thrown into Event Horizon add up to an unfulfilling kettle of crap goulash, sealed with a perfunctory, scantly explained (“We’ll tell you what happened in a few throwaway lines of dialogue so we can get back to the bloodletting– just take our word for it, mmmkay?”) third act.

And yet… YET… … Continue Reading