Movie Review: The A-Team (A)

Every autumn for the last four years, Dan and I, along with our pal Nick, head up to Garden City, Utah – home of Utah’s Bear Lake – and spend a weekend inhaling everything and anything bad for your body, including Doritos, cinnamon rolls, bacon, M&Ms, Swedish fish, soda, Oreos, Nutter Butters, hamburgers, fries, pizza and anything else in sight that’s chocked full of sugar. This three day culinary orgy is affectionately called “Mankend” and is punctuated by an afternoon of gun-firing goodness. In the end, we all enjoy 72 hours of laughing, dirty stories, farting and video games. The only thing missing is booze, hookers and pornos. Maybe someday.

I bring up Mankend because Joe Carnahan’s The A-Team is the cinematic equivalent of a weekend with the dudes. I wouldn’t call it a “guy flick” but it definitely tilts that direction. I can’t remember the last time I smiled and giggled from start to finish during a movie, but such was the case with The A-Team. And apparently, aside from Dan, who gave the movie a B+, most other critics are calling this nonsensical and a mess. Even my beloved Roger Ebert gave it the bird finger and said watching the two-hour movie was punishment. Did these guys see the same movie? Are they depressed about the BP oil spill or the imminent threat of Iran or North Korea shooting a nuke up America’s prunehole? It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

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The A-Team Movie Review (Dan’s Take) B+

With childhood nostalgia anchored firmly in the 80s, I’m a prime target for Hollywood’s recent nostalgia sweep. Thanks to a raging ego, contrarianism and a cold black heart however, I’m a hard sell– or like to think I am. I tend to like 80s nostalgia planted firmly in the 80s- big hair, fluffy innocence, original charm and all. And while we here at AATM are never against a remake/reboot, oftentimes they’re thin rehashes that rely on name brand only and eschew what worked for material that’s simply meaner, uglier, sloppier and strainingly unhip in attempts to be hip.

Still, we’ve got two iconic 80′s pop culture survivors making a play for buckets of summertime dollars– between Karate Kid and The A-Team, welcome to 80′s flashback weekend, 2010. Happily, thanks to some bouncy dialogue, use of its TV predecessors elaborate ruses (peppered with Carnahan’s trademark planning cut to action and back again), cheerful doses of action-heavy camaraderie and enough balance between old and new, The A-Team arrives (10 years and close to 20 writers later) with a giddy dose of shenanigans that equal a testosterone soaked onslaught of both gregariousness and fun.

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Clash of the Titans Movie Review (C)

Next to the Star Wars saga and the Indiana Jones films, there was no other movie I loved more in the 1980s than Clash of the Titans. After watching Perseus turn the Kraken into stone with Medusa’s severed head, I was obsessed with Greek mythology. I gobbled up any book I could find at the school library. I even dressed up as Perseus on Halloween in 1982. I was 100 percent sure the third-grade ladies would be swooning over me just like thousands of women were lusting after the tan and shaggy-haired Harry Hamlin. I brought my plastic sword to school and my mom made me a toga. Nevertheless, my enthusiasm was shattered when I arrived at school and, after going to the bathroom to change, realized the toga was too short. If I bent over, all my classmates would receive an eyeful of Underoos and eight year-old prunehole. This meant I had to sport my jeans beneath my Perseus ensemble, which meant I looked like a complete idiot. I was no Harry Hamlin. The magic was kaput.

I don’t mean to use adolescent tragedy as segue for rating Louis Leterrier’s Clash of the Titans remake, but the connection is inevitable. The director, who I thought resurrected The Hulk from an ignominious Ang Lee death with 2008’s The Incredible Hulk, sputters and ultimately fails to bring any sort of pizzazz, depth or enchantment to the age-old tale of the demigod Perseus, the son of Zeus. And that’s unfortunate, because with a little more story and engagement, this bombastic panorama of special effects might have a little more staying power and charm.

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Clash of the Titans Movie Review (Dan’s Take)

First, a warning: Loaded with the stuff eyes love gnoshing, Clash of the Titans should be seen in two dimensions, not three.

Filmed top to bottom for a 2D release, Clash of the Titans composition, lighting, effects and edits were created for the unaided eye. As a result, Clash of the Titans retrofitted 3D presentation is a dim, vision punishing mess of double imaging and off-kilter depth; slipshod artifacts that disrupt viewing to the point of souring it.

Technological grumbling aside, Clash of the Titans the movie fares slightly better than its 3D boondoggle thanks to its world of exotic pizazz and the goofy strength of mythological fantasy. Decidedly darker than the 1981 original, Clash of the Titans earnestly updates its predecessor’s aesthetic with armor for togas, cornrows for mop-tops and earnest crankiness for good humor, but suffers from an equal distribution of emotional vacancy and watch-checking sag when monsters aren’t stomping, roaring and slithering onscreen.

Tired of the Gods’ petty cruelty mankind has taken to relying on their own strength. They’ve stopped praying, stormed Mount Olympus and defied the Gods.

Petulant rebellion doesn’t sit well with Zeus (Liam Neeson), who sends brother Hades (a very brotherly looking Ralph Fiennes) to unleash some God-fearing terror on the city of Argos in the form of a choice: offer up the princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) or face the wrath of an angry Kraken in 10 days time.

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New A-Team Trailer and Poster Make Me Giddy for June 11

I didn’t watch The A-Team too much when I was a kid, but I knew the players – Face, B.A., Hannibal and Murdock. In fact, I think I actually had a B.A. Baracus action figure. My point is this – even though I enjoy Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley and Jessica Biel, The A-Team movie wasn’t on my must-see list for 2010 summer movies. However, after watching the full-length trailer below, I am now circling June 11. The A-Team looks like it’s going to kick ass. And I hope I’m right, because I loved director Joe Carnahan’s brutally gritty 2002 debut film, Narc.

New A-Team Trailer is a Tasty Friday Treat

It’s just a minute and a half teaser and it’s reaaaalllly low-res, but I have to admit, The A-Team could be pretty cool. I’m not saying it will be sweet, I’m just saying it could be. As soon as a hi-res version is online, we’ll get it up and posted for you’re viewing pleasure. As for the film, it hits theaters on June 11, 2010 and stars Liam Neeson as Hannibal, Bradley Cooper as Face, Quentin “Rampage” Jackson as B.A. Baracus and Sharlto Copley as Murdock.

Honestly, I didn’t watch much of The A-Team back in the 1980s. I watched some, but I’m not what you’d call a fan. Three things have me intrigued at the prospect of The A-Team being a delight: First, the director, Joe Carnahan, was the man behind the lens for the gritty crime drama, Narc. Love that movie. Second, Liam Neeson – the guy is solid in everything. And third, anyone who watched Sharlto Copley in District 9 knows this guy has a bright future.

What say ye?

Release the Kraken! New Clash Trailer Kicks Ass!

Okay, it’s 100 percent official – I can’t wait for March 10, 2010.

This new Clash of the Titans trailer is quite similar to the teaser released a few months ago, but there is enough new bits and pieces that I’ve officially taken the fast train to Nerdtown. I loved the 1981 version starring Harry Hamlin (LA Law), but it was ripe for a remake. From what I can tell – and again, I’m just going off the trailer – this version with Liam Neeson (Taken), Sam Worthington (Terminator Salvation), Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) and Ralph Fiennes (The Reader) is going to be quite the spectacle.

Take a peek below and share your thoughts! What do you think of the Kraken?

Clash of the Titans Teaser Trailer is 99.9% Awesome

Remember how cool the 1981 version of Clash of the Titans used to be when you were five years-old and the Ray Harryhausen creatures looked ever-so-real? Remember how lame that movie looks now? Don’t fret, because from the looks of this teaser trailer, director Louis Leterrier has made the tale of Perseus, Andromeda, Medussa and the Krakken all shiny again, with a little bit of kick-ass video game zip to boot. My only problem with this trailer? The tagline at the end: TITANS! WILL! CLASH! Lame. Otherwise, I’m sufficiently juiced for March 2010.

Hey, It’s Qui-Gon Jinn!

You know your beard is lumberjack quality when it needs on-set fanning.

Last week I posted some images from Empire Magazine’s preview of Clash of the Titans, a remake of the 1980′s classic, which is due to hit theaters in March 2010. This week Entertainment Weekly posted some insider images of Liam Neeson dolled up in a hefty suit of armor for his role as the mighty Zeus, CEO of the Greek gods. I wonder how much Just For Men they had to use on the wig and beard Neeson used back in 1999′s Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace? Yeah, he looks like Qui-Gon Jinn. And just saying that name makes my hatred of George Lucas come to a boil again, so I’m going to bed. Good day, sir!

Clash of the Titans on DVD at Amazon.com!

New Clash of the Titans Images Make Me Giddy for March 2010

I really haven’t delved too deeply into the release schedule for 2010 yet, but one movie I am absolutely looking forward to is Louis Leterrier’s (The Incredible Hulk) remake of the 1981 classic, The Clash of the Titans. Next to the Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogies, I’m not sure there is another movie from the 1980s that captivated and enthralled me as much as Clash. In fact, I loved the movie so much that in third grade I dressed up as Perseus for Halloween. We got to wear our costumes to school and my mom had made my toga too small, so instead of flashing my classmates my nubile derriere, I wore it with my Toughskins jeans and felt like a dork.

Clash of the Titans hits theaters on March 26, 2010 and boasts quite the cast. First and foremost, the name you will hear the most, is Sam Worthington, the star of the turd-a-rific Terminator Salvation and the upcoming Avatar. And while he looks like a rockin’ Perseus, Worthington has done nothing to prove to me he’s here to stay in Hollywood. No, I’m more excited about the supporting players in Clash of the Titans, namely, Liam Neeson (Taken) as Zeus, Ralph Fiennes (The Reader) as Hades, Danny Huston (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) as Poseidon and the lovely Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) as Io. Some other faces you’ll recognize are Alexa Davalos (Defiance) as Andromeda, Mads Mikkelsen (Casino Royale) as Draco, Polly Walker (HBO’s Rome) as Cassiopeia and Vincent Regan (300) as Kepheus.

That’s a lot of names to digest, but needless to say, I have high hopes for this movie. Apparently so does Empire Magazine, as their latest issue highlights Clash of the Titans as 2010’s “hottest blockbuster.” Whatever that means. One has to think we should see a trailer soon for the movie, considering its due in theaters in six months. I’m banking on a November or December trailer premiere, so until then, enjoy the pics from Empire below.