Clash of the Titans Movie Review (C)

Next to the Star Wars saga and the Indiana Jones films, there was no other movie I loved more in the 1980s than Clash of the Titans. After watching Perseus turn the Kraken into stone with Medusa’s severed head, I was obsessed with Greek mythology. I gobbled up any book I could find at the school library. I even dressed up as Perseus on Halloween in 1982. I was 100 percent sure the third-grade ladies would be swooning over me just like thousands of women were lusting after the tan and shaggy-haired Harry Hamlin. I brought my plastic sword to school and my mom made me a toga. Nevertheless, my enthusiasm was shattered when I arrived at school and, after going to the bathroom to change, realized the toga was too short. If I bent over, all my classmates would receive an eyeful of Underoos and eight year-old prunehole. This meant I had to sport my jeans beneath my Perseus ensemble, which meant I looked like a complete idiot. I was no Harry Hamlin. The magic was kaput.

I don’t mean to use adolescent tragedy as segue for rating Louis Leterrier’s Clash of the Titans remake, but the connection is inevitable. The director, who I thought resurrected The Hulk from an ignominious Ang Lee death with 2008’s The Incredible Hulk, sputters and ultimately fails to bring any sort of pizzazz, depth or enchantment to the age-old tale of the demigod Perseus, the son of Zeus. And that’s unfortunate, because with a little more story and engagement, this bombastic panorama of special effects might have a little more staying power and charm.

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Clash of the Titans Movie Review (Dan’s Take)

First, a warning: Loaded with the stuff eyes love gnoshing, Clash of the Titans should be seen in two dimensions, not three.

Filmed top to bottom for a 2D release, Clash of the Titans composition, lighting, effects and edits were created for the unaided eye. As a result, Clash of the Titans retrofitted 3D presentation is a dim, vision punishing mess of double imaging and off-kilter depth; slipshod artifacts that disrupt viewing to the point of souring it.

Technological grumbling aside, Clash of the Titans the movie fares slightly better than its 3D boondoggle thanks to its world of exotic pizazz and the goofy strength of mythological fantasy. Decidedly darker than the 1981 original, Clash of the Titans earnestly updates its predecessor’s aesthetic with armor for togas, cornrows for mop-tops and earnest crankiness for good humor, but suffers from an equal distribution of emotional vacancy and watch-checking sag when monsters aren’t stomping, roaring and slithering onscreen.

Tired of the Gods’ petty cruelty mankind has taken to relying on their own strength. They’ve stopped praying, stormed Mount Olympus and defied the Gods.

Petulant rebellion doesn’t sit well with Zeus (Liam Neeson), who sends brother Hades (a very brotherly looking Ralph Fiennes) to unleash some God-fearing terror on the city of Argos in the form of a choice: offer up the princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) or face the wrath of an angry Kraken in 10 days time.

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Avatar on Blu-ray and DVD April 22!

If you were of the 12 people in America who didn’t see Avatar in theaters and didn’t help fill James Cameron’s wallet with $732 million, then you can pre-order your DVD or Blu-ray copy of Avatar today from Amazon.com. It was announced yesterday the all-time highest grossing domestic and worldwide movie will hit stores on April 22 – which, by no coincidence, is Earth Day.

However, if you want special features, pretty menus and all the bells and whistles, you’ll probably want to wait for November. According to SlashFilm.com, this April 22 release is bare bones and a meatier multi-disc product will most likely hit stores in November, although probably not in 3D. I’m sure we’ll hear more details about this and the re-release of Avatar when James Cameron speaks to the press on March 23. Word on the street is the re-release will be an extended cut.

I’m crossing my fingers we’ll see an extended connect-the-hairy-ponytail-usb ports scene in the jellyfish Lite-Brite tree. I don’t know about you, but after two viewings of the nearly three-hour movie, those 12-foot Na’vi chicks were lookin’ kinda hot.

Click to order below:

Titans… Will… Clash… One Week Later

Damn this 3D frenzy. Dammitall!

Warner Brothers recently held a screening to test how the 2D filmed Clash of the Titans would play with a trendy new 3D upgrade. Apparently, the test worked like peanut butter and ladies. Warner has just announced they’ll release the rockin’ monster-heavy Grecian revival in both old-school/nerdy 2D and new-school/the hotness 3D. Thanks for ruining everything, Avatar!

So depending on which side of the 3D camp you’re living on, there’s good and bad news.

First, the bad: Warner Brothers 3D-ification process will delay Clash of the Titans imminent release a full week. That’s seven whole days! 168 full hours! Look for Sam Worthington’s Perseus to begin de-heading Medusa and punching scorpions on April 2, not March 26.

So what’s the good news? It’s in 3-freakin’-D!!!! And by “!!!!” we mean “We’re being sarcastic because 3D may be fun– but it’s not that fun.”

Release the Kraken! New Clash Trailer Kicks Ass!

Okay, it’s 100 percent official – I can’t wait for March 10, 2010.

This new Clash of the Titans trailer is quite similar to the teaser released a few months ago, but there is enough new bits and pieces that I’ve officially taken the fast train to Nerdtown. I loved the 1981 version starring Harry Hamlin (LA Law), but it was ripe for a remake. From what I can tell – and again, I’m just going off the trailer – this version with Liam Neeson (Taken), Sam Worthington (Terminator Salvation), Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) and Ralph Fiennes (The Reader) is going to be quite the spectacle.

Take a peek below and share your thoughts! What do you think of the Kraken?

It’s The Clash–Duh-Duh– of the Titaaaaaans!

You like your movie posters raw and howling? You bet your ass you do. That’s why Yahoo! Movies has delivered a hat trick of eye poppin’, loin-punchin’, action extravaganzin’ Clash of the Titans one-sheets to give your eyeballs a beefy Sam Worthington squeeze.

Dynamic is the key word here, Friends. There’s nary a floating head to be found and all posters are money shot-a-riffic: Perseus reveling in punishing Medusa’s choice in hair stylist, Perseus brandishing the sword of swordiness atop his winged steed Pegasus (now hard-assed black instead of sissy-pants white) and a threemendous monster highlight with our hero screaming like a lottery winner.

In four months time, we’ll be able to see if all this well-executed marketing (with a chalk mark against the genius who came up with “Titans… Will… Clash!!”) is a true reflection of what Louis Leterrier’s updated Clash of the Titans promises. But let’s face it– there’s not much to dislike with everything we’ve seen so far. In fact, the sissy 80′s version has wisely eaten a truck load of Manwiches while weight-lifting packs of rabid wolves and is busting into 2010 all the more manly for it.

Soak up the testosterone by clicking the poster above for LARGENESS, then grab your Gillette Mach 12 and prepare to grow back hair when you look at the other two posters after the jump.

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Clash of the Titans Teaser Trailer is 99.9% Awesome

Remember how cool the 1981 version of Clash of the Titans used to be when you were five years-old and the Ray Harryhausen creatures looked ever-so-real? Remember how lame that movie looks now? Don’t fret, because from the looks of this teaser trailer, director Louis Leterrier has made the tale of Perseus, Andromeda, Medussa and the Krakken all shiny again, with a little bit of kick-ass video game zip to boot. My only problem with this trailer? The tagline at the end: TITANS! WILL! CLASH! Lame. Otherwise, I’m sufficiently juiced for March 2010.

New Clash of the Titans Images Make Me Giddy for March 2010

I really haven’t delved too deeply into the release schedule for 2010 yet, but one movie I am absolutely looking forward to is Louis Leterrier’s (The Incredible Hulk) remake of the 1981 classic, The Clash of the Titans. Next to the Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogies, I’m not sure there is another movie from the 1980s that captivated and enthralled me as much as Clash. In fact, I loved the movie so much that in third grade I dressed up as Perseus for Halloween. We got to wear our costumes to school and my mom had made my toga too small, so instead of flashing my classmates my nubile derriere, I wore it with my Toughskins jeans and felt like a dork.

Clash of the Titans hits theaters on March 26, 2010 and boasts quite the cast. First and foremost, the name you will hear the most, is Sam Worthington, the star of the turd-a-rific Terminator Salvation and the upcoming Avatar. And while he looks like a rockin’ Perseus, Worthington has done nothing to prove to me he’s here to stay in Hollywood. No, I’m more excited about the supporting players in Clash of the Titans, namely, Liam Neeson (Taken) as Zeus, Ralph Fiennes (The Reader) as Hades, Danny Huston (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) as Poseidon and the lovely Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace) as Io. Some other faces you’ll recognize are Alexa Davalos (Defiance) as Andromeda, Mads Mikkelsen (Casino Royale) as Draco, Polly Walker (HBO’s Rome) as Cassiopeia and Vincent Regan (300) as Kepheus.

That’s a lot of names to digest, but needless to say, I have high hopes for this movie. Apparently so does Empire Magazine, as their latest issue highlights Clash of the Titans as 2010’s “hottest blockbuster.” Whatever that means. One has to think we should see a trailer soon for the movie, considering its due in theaters in six months. I’m banking on a November or December trailer premiere, so until then, enjoy the pics from Empire below.

Avatar Trailer Arrives

With just a few months before its release, James Cameron’s Avatar– the “event” film most general movie going audiences should have been talking about six months ago as far as 20th Century Fox is concerned– has received a trailer. The whole film is still an enigma, so I’m not sure that giving a non-narrated encapsulation of the film is the best way to explain the plot to folks unfamiliar with it, or whether this film even looks as revolutionary as everyone claims it is. But I don’t care. For my money, it’s a James Cameron film, it’s got Space Marines and it’s got alien planets and critters. So while the trailer doesn’t have me doing backflips, it does look pretty cool as, at the least, escapist/fantastical entertainment.

In the mean time, Utah’s “fly-over” status remains intact as Avatar Day has decided to leapfrog our IMAX theaters all together, wishing us well until December. But hey, enjoy the trailer.

To see an enlargened and higher res version, click here.

New Avatar Poster Makes Me Think of Cat People

Click to Biggie Size Zoe Saldana's blue skinned mug.

A new poster hit the web today for James Cameron’s highly anticipated new movie, Avatar. This poster features Zoe Saldana’s (Star Trek) character, Neytiri. This is the alien babe that Sam Worthington’s (Terminator Salvation) Jake Sully falls in love with while residing as a human-Na’vi hybrid, aka an avatar, on the world of Pandora.

I don’t know about you, but while Zoe Saldana is hot in the recent reboot of Star Trek, seeing her as a blue-skinned, 10-foot tall alien might not do the trick for me. James T. Kirk would be having a Cialis moment, but me, no chance. At the same time, the minute I saw this picture I immedietly thought of Cat People, the 1982 horror movie with Malcolm McDowell and Nastassia Kinski.

What do you think? Is Avatar something your anticipating this  December?