The Losers Movie Review (D)

When I was ten, I used to have a lot of imaginary adventures with my friends. Many times we’d be army guys, stuck in some impossible situation, fighting against overwhelming odds, and, I’m embarrassed to say, there was usually a lot of overacting along the way…enter The Losers.

The latest movie by relatively unknown and unproven director Sylvan White, The Losers began in 1970 as a war comic set during WWII and then re-imagined in the ’90s with its heroes caught up in the War on Terror.

The story follows Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), leader of a Special Forces team that’s betrayed and left for dead by their handler, the faceless Max (Jason Patric), after going off mission. The team is then contacted by the beautiful and mysterious Aisha (Zoe Saldana) to help her find and kill Max and in return, get their lives back.

The other members of the team include Roque (Idris Elba) the second in command, Jensen (Chris Evans) the hacker, Pooch (Columbus Short) the pilot, and Cougar (Óscar Jaenada) the sniper. And yes, all in all, it’s pretty much every episode of The A-Team you’ve ever seen.

What it wasn’t, was beautifully stylized, like the film version of Sin City, to match its comic book origins. It wasn’t grounded in reality, like the X-Men movies, giving its viewers some sense of the familiar from which to start. And, it wasn’t even fun to watch, which even the poorly made G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra managed.

What it was, however, was an unfulfilling, 98-minute, MTV music video that had all the creativity and vision of a group of teenage boys in a ’73 Camero.

But, it was the film’s villain that made the movie really live up to its name. Written as a ruthless, untouchable, globetrotting terrorist, Jason Patric’s performance can only be described as abysmally flimsy. The best way I can describe it is like Dennis Hopper’s performance in Waterworld, minus the talent…and Dennis Hopper.

Don’t get me wrong, there were a couple of bright spots in the film, mainly delivered by Saldana, Evans and Short who managed to deliver the movie’s stiff, predicable dialogue with some semblance of believability.

Although, after seeing this film, I have to admit that I’m more concerned than ever about Chris Evans taking on the mantle of Steve Rogers in the upcoming Captain America movie. I thought he might be able to pull it off, after his fairly decent performance in Push, but for this movie, he just slipped back into his annoying, Johnny-Storm approach, which relies more on his smile than any measureable acting ability.

As for The Losers, it is a movie that’s made for the lowest common denominator, which in the case of the theater I went to was approximately age ten. In the end, I suppose, the only real losers with this movie are the people who pay to see it.

This Week’s DVD, Blu-ray and Cinema Offerings

It’s been slim pickings here at AATM review-wise for the last few weeks. Kick-Ass wasn’t screened for Utah-based critics and both Date Night and The Losers were screened during the day, which for two working-class stiffs like me and Dan is next to impossible to attend. At any rate and all excuses aside, here’s what you can look forward to this week:

Opening in theaters on April 23:

The Losers (PG-13)

You can read Dan’s commentary on the poster here and my critique of The Losers trailer here.

The Back-up Plan (PG-13)

Watch the Super Bowl spot and read my commentary on J-Lo’s new romantic comedy here.

If you want to skip the box office lines, you can buy movie tickets in advance at Fandango.com. Plus shopping with our affiliate partners always helps AATM. It hasn’t bought me a Porsche Cayenne, but it has bought me and Dan a couple of value meals at McDonald’s.

As for DVD and Blu-ray, it’s a fairly beefy release week, with Avatar, Crazy Heart, The Lovely Bones and The Young Victoria hitting store shelves in both formats. This week also features a Blu-ray catalog release of Minority Report. You can purchase any of these titles from our affiliate partner Amazon.com below. Personally, I’d hold off on Avatar until an extended, special feature-rich version comes out (probably fall/winter 2010).

The Losers is Confused and Likewise will Suck

Guess what movie is going to drop a little baby burp at the box office in a few weeks and then disappear into the underworld of inconsequential cinema? Not Furry Vengeance or The Back-up Plan, although those two abominations are deepfried in suck. No, I’m talking about The Losers. And why you might ask? Not because Hollywood is trying to force feed me Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Accidental Husband) as a leading man, or because I’m sick of seeing Chris Evans (Push) face. The Losers is going to flop hardcore because Warner Brothers has mishandled the release badly.

The Losers, directed by Sylvian White (Stomp the Yard), was originally scheduled to release this weekend, April 9. Frankly, The Losers, with its only competition coming via Date Night, might have seen some decent returns. But for whatever reason, Warner Brothers pushed the movie out until June 4, 2010, staking its claim in a summer movie lineup that looks absolutely wretched. Now, as of a few weeks ago or sooner, the movie has been rewound to April and will release alongside The Back-up Plan on April 23^rd. This tug-of-war with the opening date does nothing to inspire confidence in me and I’m sure it doesn’t help keep the film in the radar of potential viewers.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt it. If you have an argument to the contrary, I’d love to hear it.

Trailer Tuesday: The Losers

I just can’t fathom why The Losers would position itself for an April 9, 2010 release when the inevitable bulldozing from Kick-Ass comes the following week. Honestly, The Losers seems more like an August release, something to keep the fires of summer burning but not quite shiny enough to see the light of day in the April to July cash cow window. Also, other than Zoe Saldana (Avatar) and Chris Evans (Push), there really aren’t any standout names in the cast. And yes, I purposefully left Jeffery Dean Morgan (Watchman) out of the mix. That guys two seconds away from spending the rest of his career on the Lifetime network or in Hallmark made-for-TV movies.

What do you think of the trailer? Have you read the Andy Diggle’s graphic novel of the same name? Again, my take – it could be good, but other than possibly seeing Zoe Saldana’s naked body, I can’t really think of anything else attention grabbing in this trailer.

The Losers Poster is Anything But

Chris Evans has had a tough go. The guy’s imminently watchable but, like the equally watchable Ryan Reynolds up to this year (maybe?), his fire just isn’t spreading. How many almost made it movies does the guy have to star in to catch the break where his name becomes household, as opposed to reminding you of some kid you might have known back in college? I don’t know, but between the boring/slapdash/yet-liked-by-me Push, to the see it if you haven’t sci-fi thriller Sunshine to being the only redeeming facet of The Fantastic Four movies, I wish him the best.

Hopefully his next project, The Losers– which has the fantastic Grand Theft Auto feeling poster below– does the job.  Following the exploits of a Special Ops team left for dead who then wreak vengeful havoc on their CIA outters, The Losers is based on the DC comic of the same name and is set to debut in April 2010.

In the mean time, ogle the SPF 15 ready one-sheet.