Thanks for Screwing Me Over, Twihards!

Despite opening on 4,468 screens and having a rabid fanbase of emotional tweens, teens and housewives, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, which I thought was a decent movie – easily the best in the Twilight franchise, isn’t even going to come close to Toy Story 3’s summer score at the box office. As of this writing, Edward and Jacob sit a cool $100 million behind Buzz and Woody. Hell, it hasn’t even beaten its predecessor, The Twilight Saga: New Moon. So,

Continue Reading

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (B)

By ANDY MORGAN Making fun of Twilight fans and bemoaning Stephanie Meyer’s novels and the subsequent movies is almost as easy as drumming up sarcastic jabs about Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton or Miley Cyrus. There’s no effort required. It’s easy. And it’s also out of control. It’s almost as popular to dump on the vampire-werewolf franchise as it is all the rage to scoop up Team Jacob or Team Edward paraphernalia at Hot Topic. Every time I see a teen

Continue Reading

MTV Movie Awards Exclusive Twilight Eclipse Clip

If you missed the MTV Movie Awards yesterday, then you definitely missed this exclusive Eclipse clip (say that 10 times fast) and that means you also missed some serious Edward/Jacob tension. I’m not a Twilight fan, but The Twilight Saga: Eclipse might be the best film of the soon-to-be quintology. Click here to see the clip, or click the article headline above.

From the Files of Blah: New Twilight Eclipse Trailer Online

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse got a brand new trailer today – unveiled on Oprah – and while there isn’t any “I’ll fight for you until your heart stops beating” lines of love from six-packed lycans, there are certainly enough WTF moments to cause the Twitarded folks to scratch their heads and drool, which means there is enough nerd candy for the Twihards to suck on until June 30. I count myself, luckily, as Twilight illiterate, so I honestly had no

Continue Reading

Behold the Bland: New Twilight Eclipse Poster is 100% Lame

I’m not a fan of The Twilight Saga, but this poster blows. I know, I know. I sound surprised. I’m not, but if I was a fan, I’d be disappointed. Plus, am I the only one who can’t figure out why Bella isn’t picking Jacob over Edward? I mean, just from the poster wouldn’t you go with the dependable hunk over the pasty-skinned, brooding vampire who is always running away? Seems clear to me, but then girls generally like the

Continue Reading

Breaking News: 99.7 Percent of Twilight Fans are Morons

I realize it’s easy and popular to bash the Twihards, Stephanie Meyer’s craptastic writing and the whole fabric of the Twilight universe, but while I poke fun at the fanbase (divided equally between cougars and those who just bought training bras), I do think some people tend to bash the movies and books simply because of the mass appeal. However, with that said, when I see Twilight fans sending ignorant hate mail, it just makes me want to mock them

Continue Reading

Twilight Eclipse Levi Lovin’ Photos Removed via Cease and Desist

Faithful readers of probably saw a post a few days ago that featured some new Levi lovin’ images from the upcoming (June 2010) release of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. We have since been asked formally by Summit Entertainment’s legal counsel to take the images off the site. You can read the full text of the letter after the jump. I can’t imagine why Summit wouldn’t want a little free press, even if I am mocking the film to some

Continue Reading

Cougars and Teens Rejoice! Twilight Coming to IMAX!

Oh, Nelly! Twihards are going to poop their pants over this news! Not only will fans of Edward Furrybrows, Jacob Wolfsack and Bella Sadpants be able to swoon and lust over their Stephanie Meyer-created crazy characters, but – BUT – they’ll be able to get their fix while watching The Twilight Saga: Eclipse on the very, very, very big screen of IMAX. Holy cuss! The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is directed by David Slade (30 Days of Night, Hard Candy) and

Continue Reading

Ashley Greene is a Reason for Dudes to See New Moon

Your a dude. You like the ladies. Your girlfriend/wife/significant other wants you to see The Twilight Saga: New Moon, but you can’t think of anything more excruciating. A trip to the dentist for a root canal sounds better. You’d even rather watch reruns of Little House on the Prairie while having uncontrollable diarrhea. Anything but Edward and Bella. Well, fellas, say hi to Ashely Greene. She played Alice Cullen in last year’s Twilight and is reprising the role in The

Continue Reading

Twilight’s No Name Actress Wants You to Say No to Fur

Do you know who Christian Serratos is? Wait, let me answer for you: no. I didn’t either until she bared her booty for PETA in a Twilight-esque advertisement speaking out against wearing fur. According to, Ms. Serratos portrayed Angela Weber in Twilight and is slated to reprise the role in next week’s The Twilight Saga: New Moon and June 2010’s The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. According to The Twilight Saga Wiki, Angela becomes a good friend to Bella after her

Continue Reading

Site Footer

Sliding Sidebar