I realize it’s easy and popular to bash the Twihards, Stephanie Meyer’s craptastic writing and the whole fabric of the Twilight universe, but while I poke fun at the fanbase (divided equally between cougars and those who just bought training bras), I do think some people tend to bash the movies and books simply because of the mass appeal. However, with that said, when I see Twilight fans sending ignorant hate mail, it just makes me want to mock them ceaselessly.
Check out the email below, sent to George Roush of the website LatinoReview.com. If you’re having a bad Friday and need a good laugh, read Kayla Patterson’s words below or visit their website to see the email complete with attached images. Try not to punch your own loins in the process. Yes, she is that dumb.
To whom this may concern:
This movie was a complete waste and I feel that it offends ALL Twilight Fans around the world, that including myself. For one, it was a COMPLETE remaking of the Wolf Pack from the Twilight Saga: New Moon. It gives the werewolves a bad name and makes them look like some deformed mutation of a rabid dog. I actually started to like werewolves after seeing Jacob Black and all his awesomeness on the big screen at the movies. That was until I saw your crappy remake of what you call to be a “were wolf”. I don’t see how you live with yourself for making it the way you did. If I made this movie, I would be ashamed to even admit that I owned it. How can a werewolf be killed with a silver bullet? Better yet, have you saw the transformation of the man that is “supposed” to be the wolf? He sits in some chair and his entire body turns in to some mutated freak. If you would watch the transformation of Jacob Black, (Taylor Lautner) he doesn’t come close to looking as fake, cheap and or mutated as the wolf man. You tell me, who looks to be the better werewolf. Your stupid Wolf Movie didn’t even make the top Movie for the charts; Valentines Day WITH TAYLOR Lautner! Get that this is MY oppinion and I felt I wanted to express it because I saw that your
email was on your site. I wanted to let you know this is what i thought of the wolf man that sucks.
FREAKIN LAUTNER DID!
Didn’t get enough of Jacob’s six pack abs or Edward’s hairy Milk Dud vampire nipples back in November? Well don’t fret, friend! The Twilight Saga: New Moon is hitting store shelves on DVD and Blu-ray on March 20, 2010! That’ll be a nice bridge for the Twihards who are fidgeting and antsy, either during class or while folding laundry, at the long gulf between the bleak month of January and June 30, 2010, when The Twilight Saga: Eclipse hits cinemas.
Looks like the New Moon love affair, a pasty and depressing one at that, is over and people – families – are moving on to more uplifting entertainment. Yes, after three weeks at number one, The Twilight Saga: New Moon was booted from the box office top spot by The Blind Side, the true-to-life story of Baltimore Raven’s offensive lineman, Michael Oher and how he was taken in and loved by Tuhoy family. Sandra Bullock (The Proposal) stars as Leigh Anne Tuhoy, the strong-willed matriarch who spearheads the family’s eventual adoption of Oher.
Love it or hate it, you can’t deny the New Moon train is rolling at full steam the last two weeks and, by all accounts, shouldn’t slip from the top spot until possibly December 11, when Disney’s The Princess and The Frog opens wide. For now, The Twilight Saga: New Moon has earned at hearty $230,947,696 domestically, making it the sixth highest grossing movie of 2009.
Stephen King might think J.K. Rowling is a better writer than oft-maligned Stephanie Meyer, but Twilight fans gave critics and naysayers the middle finger at midnight screenings on Friday, helping The Twilight Saga: New Moon become the highest-grossing midnight screening ever with $26.27 million. New Moon’s next target? The Dark Knight and the record for highest opening day with $67.2 million in ticket sales. Folks tracking New Moon’s progress believe the movie will gross over $70 million.
The tidal wave of New Moon hysteria hit early this morning as thousands of women of all ages, along with 25 guys, streamed into screenings starting at midnight, all hoping the second film in The Twilight Saga would be as tasty or better than last year’s Twilight. Judging by the squeals and the oohs and the ahhs, I’d say 99 percent of the audience was satiated with enough gooey Edward and Bella romance to last until June 2010 when The Twilight Saga: Eclipse hits theaters. Me? I pulled my hood over my head and wept bitter tears for the unrequited love young Jacob must endure at the hands of that charlatan, Miss Swan.
New Moon’s Box Office Debut = Holy Effin’ Ess!
Thing is? Numbers will most likely be higher when “actuals” (the actual dollars adjusted after a full Sunday run– not just today’s estimate) come in on Monday/Tuesday. I can’t say that I’m surprised, and yet, I’m still kind of surprised.
While a $140 million dollar haul doesn’t validate New Moon in terms of quality as much as it shows the Twilight brand is a platinum mine, New Moon’s massive success should give director Chris Weitz (who I inexplicably have a ton of good will for) a mood boost and a reason to hold of on improving his surfing technique. It’s also a “HA-HA!” to Paramount studios, who passed on renewing the rights to Twilight a few years back before Summit snatched it up and started printing gold coins off it.
That said, we can finally put New Moon behind us and look forward to some other great films coming out this holiday season… you know, as a breather until May/June of next year when stylistic and dark director David Slade delivers Twilight’s third chapter, Eclipse, to Summer Prime Time.