Breaking News: 99.7 Percent of Twilight Fans are Morons

I realize it’s easy and popular to bash the Twihards, Stephanie Meyer’s craptastic writing and the whole fabric of the Twilight universe, but while I poke fun at the fanbase (divided equally between cougars and those who just bought training bras), I do think some people tend to bash the movies and books simply because of the mass appeal. However, with that said, when I see Twilight fans sending ignorant hate mail, it just makes me want to mock them ceaselessly.

Check out the email below, sent to George Roush of the website LatinoReview.com. If you’re having a bad Friday and need a good laugh, read Kayla Patterson’s words below or visit their website to see the email complete with attached images. Try not to punch your own loins in the process. Yes, she is that dumb.

To whom this may concern:

This movie was a complete waste and I feel that it offends ALL Twilight Fans around the world, that including myself. For one, it was a COMPLETE remaking of the Wolf Pack from the Twilight Saga: New Moon. It gives the werewolves a bad name and makes them look like some deformed mutation of a rabid dog. I actually started to like werewolves after seeing Jacob Black and all his awesomeness on the big screen at the movies. That was until I saw your crappy remake of what you call to be a “were wolf”. I don’t see how you live with yourself for making it the way you did. If I made this movie, I would be ashamed to even admit that I owned it. How can a werewolf be killed with a silver bullet? Better yet, have you saw the transformation of the man that is “supposed” to be the wolf? He sits in some chair and his entire body turns in to some mutated freak. If you would watch the transformation of Jacob Black, (Taylor Lautner) he doesn’t come close to looking as fake, cheap and or mutated as the wolf man.  You tell me, who looks to be the better werewolf. Your stupid Wolf Movie didn’t even make the top Movie for the charts; Valentines Day WITH TAYLOR Lautner! Get that this is MY oppinion and I felt I wanted to express it because I saw that your

email was on your site. I wanted to let you know this is what i thought of the wolf man that sucks.
FREAKIN LAUTNER DID!

Cupid Rules the Day at the Box Office

The star-studded Valentine’s Day is the box office champ this weekend, besting Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief and The Wolfman by $20 million, the latter two finishing neck-and-neck with $31 and $30 million respectively. The top five was rounded out by the strong-as-ever Avatar ($22 million) and the one-and-done Dear John ($15 million).

Now the question is will next week’s lone release, Shutter Island, take over the top spot? I’m going to say no. As of today, I’d say next weekend finishes like this:

• Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
• Shutter Island
• Avatar
• Valentine’s Day
• The Wolfman

Agree? Disagree? While I’m pining for Shutter Island, I just don’t see a dark, brooding Martin Scorsese movie coming in as the champ next weekend.

Movie Review: The Wolfman

The Wolfman, Universal Pictures’ remake of the 1941 classic, is a taut backlot tram tour of a dour, sunless 1880s England, complete with cobweb-infested castles, fog-filled cemeteries and forests, and topped with blood-soaked werewolves that would make the phony Lycans in the Twilight Saga quiver in their own puppy piddle. Simply put, The Wolfman is a devilishly fun haunted house thrill ride, only with more severed limbs, decapitations, popped out eyes, disembowelments and torn flesh.

The movie opens, like the original, with the poem:

Even a man who is pure in heart

and says his prayers by night

may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms

and the autumn moon is bright.

And then we happen upon Gwen Conliffe (Emily Blunt) writing a letter to Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro), asking him to return to his childhood home of Blackmoor to aide in the search for his brother, her fiancé. Lawrence, a stage actor who, since leaving home, has been living in New York City, leaves London immediately. When he arrives at Blackmoor he is greeted by his father, Sir John (Anthony Hopkins), and is told his brother’s body was found. But we already know this because we saw his face slashed and his stomach torn open by a werewolf. Lawrence tells Gwen he won’t rest until he figures out what happened to his brother.

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Rating the 2010 Super Bowl Trailers

Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints on winning Super Bowl XLIV in what may have been the most boring NFL championship since, well, the last time the Indianapolis Colts went to the Super Bowl in 2007. And while I love football as much as the next dude, I won’t lie – I anticipate the commercial breaks in the hope I’ll see some genius advertising or some phenomenal movie preview.

This year’s commercials and trailers were ho-hum, except for the Google “Search On” ad (who thought you could tell a love story using a search engine in less than a minute?), the Doritos “House Rules” commercial and the Careerbuilder.com “Casual Friday” spot, the rest were either bizarre, unfunny or beyond stale (Bud Light, I’m talking to you).  Even more glaring was the absence of trailers for Iron Man 2, The A-Team, Clash of the Titans, Toy Story 3, Shrek Forever After, Despicable Me and Tron: Legacy.

Here’s a rundown of the movie trailers shown during Super Bowl XLIV. Click the movie name to watch the preview.

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New Wolfman Poster Still Hairy, Not Dumb

A few weeks back, AATM was host to a minor row over Universal’s debut of some “artsy” The Wolfman posters. I liked the overall concept, but my esteemed colleague and others didn’t agree.

I was dejected. And sad.

Hopefully, Universal has redeemed itself with the newer poster at left. It’s one of a couple Universal debuted last week and if you don’t think this one is more striking, straightforward and scary-like, well, I don’t know what to tell you. Of course, the scary thing only registers if werewolves creep you out– and I have to admit, they do give me the creeps. Damn you, and the emotional scars your werecatwolf left on my 8-year-old psyche , Michael Jackson.

What about you, previous poster loathers? Does this new version leave your lupine demands satisfied? Say yes.

Two Wolfman Posters Online – One Hairy, One Dumb

Saw these new posters for February 2010′s The Wolfman today and I thought I’d share the goodness with AATM readers. As we’ve chronicled in previous posts, The Wolfman is a remake of the 1941 classic and stars Benicio “My Wolf Hair is not Make-Up” Del Toro (Things We Lost in the Fire), Anthony Hopkins (Beowulf), Emily Blunt (Sunshine Cleaning) and Hugo Weaving (V for Vendetta). And while the most recent trailer is pretty sweet, I’d say I’m 50/50 on these posters. The hairy face one with Del Toro as the title character isn’t too bad, but the second is pretty lame. Sure the title gives it away, but if I didn’t know better, I’d assume Emily Blunt was hiding in the woods fearing a fierce anal probing from The Fourth Kind aliens.

Click The Wolfman pictures below to ginormasize them.

New Wolfman Trailer is All Sorts of Awesome

I’ve been tepid thus far on my anticipation of and my desire to see The Wolfman, but this new, edgier, darker trailer has piqued my interest enough that I have circled February 12, 2010 on my calendar. Not literally, of course. I’m not that nerdy, but you get my point.

Delays in the release of The Wolfman have fueled my skepticism, and I’m also not a big fan of Joe Johnston (although I did like October Sky), but a cast of Benicio Del Toro (Things We Lost in the Fire), Anthony Hopkins (Fracture), Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada) and Hugo Weaving (V for Vendetta) is definitely a bonus for this remake of the 1941 classic.

I have a feeling this is going to be rated PG-13, but in my heart of hearts, I hope for an R rating. I’m not pining for an R so I can see limbs torn off and intestines gobbled up, but a PG-13 usually means CGI that borders on silly and bloodless violence propped up by a weak story and plot. That might be stereotyping somewhat because there are PG-13 movies that have meshed those elements – The Lord of The Rings is the shining example – but I can’t help fear the worst.

Check out the trailer below and give us your opinion. Is this going to rock or is this going to suck?

The Wolfman Release Date Change…Again

This is Benicio del Toro WITHOUT makeup.

In 2006, Universal Pictures announced they were remaking the 1941 horror classic “The Wolf Man” (that starred Lon Cheney, Jr – no relation to Dick, and Béla Lugosi) and had the hariest man in Mexico, Benicio del Toro, cast as the lead lycan, Lawrence Talbot. “The Wolfman” was given a release date of November 2008 and subsequently things went down the pooper. Original director, Mark Romenak, left the movie because of “creative” differences and Joe Johnston (“Jumanji,” “Jurassic Park III”) was brought in to finish the job. The release date was changed to November 6, 2009.

Now we have news the date has changed yet again to February 12, 2010. So this begs the question, is this film, with a seemingly stellar cast (del Toro, Emily Blunt, Anthony Hopkins, Hugo Weaving) simply being cared for with delicate hands – meaning the studio wants to put out the best product possible, or is this a project that has been doomed from the start of it’s first “creative” differences? I tend to gravitate to the latter scenario, especially with the release in February, which traditionally is reserved for movies that time forgot and studios wish to wash their hands of. That’s my take, but I don’t claim to have a spycam into Universal’s marketing boardroom, either.

What’s your take? Any interest in seeing a remake of “The Wolf Man?”