THE MUMMY TRAILER is 100 Percent Not Exciting

I love movie trailers. I always have.

It reminds me of when I was a kid. It’s like peeling the wrapping paper back on a birthday or Christmas present. You tear the corner just inconspicuously enough to see the package says Mattel, but you don’t know if you’re getting He-Man or Fisto. The anticipation for something wonderful is part of the magic.

I’ve seen a lot of amazing trailers for bad movies, but far less crappy trailers for great movies. I don’t know what in the world I’m witnessing or watching with the teaser trailer for THE MUMMY. Tom Cruise is on a big frickin’ plane with some army-looking dudes – kind of a DARK KNIGHT RISES vibe – and there’s a sultry looking professor-type, along with Aquaman’s sarcophagus and then a boatload of birds hits the airplane and everyone is wishing this was more of a Tom Hanks movie and less of a Tom Cruise movie. At any rate, Cruise winds up in a body bag, but then pops out and goes toe-to-toe with the title character of the show, as well as some running/sprinting (a must in every Tom Cruise flick!) and also He Who Whispers to Mummies happens to meet Russell Crowe. The end.

I know it’s a teaser trailer, but I’m not sold. I’ll give Mr. Cruise the benefit of the doubt – for now – but the two and a half minutes I just witnessed makes my head hurt.

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