Twilight is what it is: Love it, hate it or care less.
I don’t begrudge anyone their love for the series, but tend to hold coats in the “care less” line. The new trailer for the latest entry (directed by 30 Days of Night‘s David Slade and chomping at the bit for its June 30 release) doesn’t help, considering it could have easily been used for last year’s New Moon. Has such a simple story ever felt like its climax has been so needlessly strung out? You know, besides Harry Potter?
Bella: I hate my life… wait! Oh, you’re hot. And pale.
Edward: Yes, I am. I’m also a 100-something year old pedophile, but luckily I’m trapped in this teenage body because I’m a vampire.
Bella: –Swoon– I’m so in love with you.
Edward: I love you too. And by I love you too, I mean you smell really good and I want to eat your neck.
Bella: Go for it, but I think some other vampires want my neck.
Edward: No they don’t. I killed them.
Jacob: Wait, Bella. I love you too… but I’m a werewolf.
Bella: Gross. Wet dogs stink.
Edward: Hey guys, what’s up? I went away for a while but now I’m back.
Bella: I want you in my underpants.
Edward: You sure? Ok. Beat it, Jacob.
Bella: I’m preggers.
Bella: Here, Jacob. I like you. You can have my vampire daughter.
Jacob: Sweet. I love her.
That said… Cougars, unfulfilled housewives, teen ladies and the handful of guys still in the closet about loving this stuff, your wait is over. Behold the trailer for Twilight: Eclipse.