SAFE HAVEN a Schmaltzy Tall Tale of Second Chances

SAFE HAVEN, the new movie from the King of Schmaltz, Nicholas Sparks, is assuredly going to get dumped on by the majority of movie critics (it’s holding at 12% fresh as of this writing, about five percent lower than its Valentine’s Day rival, A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD), but honestly, I’m not sure why. It’s not Oscar contender by any means, but it’s not trying to be anything more or less than a easy-to-swallow, pretty-to-look at movie chock full

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Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows Movie Review (B+)

Despite my Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Zodiac, Iron Man and Tropic Thunder love for Robert Downey Jr., as well as an awkward fondness for Jude Law and his crazy hairline, the predecessor for Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, 2009’s Sherlock Holmes, didn’t meet my entertainment litmus test, which means I was lukewarm in my initial viewing, fell asleep in the second and have not watched the movie since, nor do I have plans to pop in the Blu-ray anytime

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Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 (B+)

I might be one of only a handful of people on planet Earth who have never read one word of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series of books. Let’s just get that out of the way right now, because you need to know where my opinions are coming from. Unlike the hordes of Harry Potter fans, during the movies I don’t pick up on all the little ins and outs and various wizard secrets. People are laughing and crying and I’m

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Emma’s Movie Reviews: Thor (A+)

When I saw the commercials for Thor I wasn’t jumping out of my seat and I didn’t start jumping up and down clapping (I’m to cool for that) because I am not a big fan of super heroes. When I went and saw that movie I was in love with it. It was funny, it had romance, it had action, and it had a super hot guy in it. What wasn’t to like? Thor was so good I went and saw it

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Movie Review: Bridesmaids (A-)

I should, by all accounts, have a secret celebrity crush on Jessica Biel or Brooklyn Decker – you know, a blonde or brunette knockout with a drool-worthy body and the kind of smoldering face that magnetizes you in some kind of lustful tractor beam. But guess what? I don’t. In fact, other than a slight infatuation with Olivia Wilde (but only in her Tron: Legacy get-up), my secret celebrity crush is Kristen Wiig. There. I said it and I don’t

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Movie Review: Your Highness (D)

It takes a lot to offend me. It really does. In most cases, swearing, nudity and violence in movies doesn’t rankle me or leave me feeling like I need a bath. The fact that Your Highness, the new comedy starring Danny McBride (Tropic Thunder), James Franco (127 Hours) and Natalie Portman (Black Swan), made me feel like I need to scrub my body with Clorox and spend a fortnight reading the Holy Bible speaks volumes about how puerile and callow this amazingly

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Movie Review: Limitless (B)

I hate Bradley Cooper. I really do. Why, you might ask? Oh, I won’t beat around the bush at all. I hate him because he’s a handsome bastard and makes all the ladies go gaga. I’m 36, rock the love handles and my hair is turning grey, while Mr. Cooper is 36, svelte, has a hairdo that reminds Pat Riley of the golden years, and is one of only a handful of men who can routinely not shave and still look

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Movie Review: Red Riding Hood (C)

I want to hate Red Riding Hood in the worst way. I really do. I want to pounce on director Catherine Hardwicke’s film and pummel it with accusations of zero creativity and kick it with the judgmental boot of milking the Twilight crowd for all they’re worth, but I just can’t muster the malice to point an accusing finger, mostly because I never found myself checking my watch during the 120 minute nouveau retelling of the classic Brothers Grimm folk tale. Trust

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Movie Review – Battle: Los Angeles (D)

I don’t know a lot, but I do know that alien movies and military flicks are usually nothing short of awesome, so how a movie that is heavy on both, with a meaty middle of explosions and bullets to boot, turns out so painstakingly dull, lifeless and downright boring has got me scratching my head and shaking my fist. Curse you Battle: Los Angeles! You were supposed to be my unofficial cinema start of summer, but now you’re nothing more

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Movie Review: Morning Glory (A)

Morning Glory is, without reservation, the most charming, smile-inducing movie I’ve seen in 2010 and nearly everything good in the movie happens because of the charisma, both standalone and shared, Rachel McAdams (Sherlock Holmes) and Harrison Ford (Extraordinary Measures) bring to their roles as a newbie morning show producer and an aging, old-school, prima donna newsman. None of this should be a surprise to anyone familiar with director Roger Michell, helmsman of the charming Notting Hill and Venus, and screenwriter Aline Brosh

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